Welcome to Warrior High!
by Galestorm Brushfire's Loyalty
Summary: the cats go to school!
1. Chapter 1

**i found this story posted on the Warriors Wish Proboards Beta Forum and thought it was really funny so I posted it here. enjoy**

Crowpaw's claws were gripped tightly in the side of his silver blue duffle bag, which had his school's mascot, a wolf imprinted on it. The Warrior High Wolves, named for their school football team. The black tom stood looking at the massive building for a moment. "Ashfoot, you're evil" He told himself.  
The building loomed over him immensely. Now, that he had been out of elementary, he was going to junior high. Recently, he had left Starclan's Learners to come here this year.

So here he was.

Knowing none of the students and teachers, and now he had no idea where to go. Crowpaw's crystal blue eyes scanned across the lawn of the school, all about teachers were milling about, checking their lesson plans or exiting their Mouse-vettes and Badgers.

"Don't just stand their! Go inside!" An icy voice yelled at him. Crowpaw turned to see a large, tabby tom yelling at him. Maybe he's right... Crowpaw thought.

With a shrug of his shoulders, he slung his duffle bag across his bag and took his first few steps towards the building.  
As the apprentice walked up the white, marble steps of the building, he noticed something: He could hear a lot of voices coming from inside the gym. The apprentice shrugged and turned that way and started walking.

Crowpaw reached out his paw and opened the double doors. Instantly he was hit with the scent of many cats. The black apprentice calmly strode into the gym where he was greeted by a number of eyes.

All the others had stopped talking and stared at him. Crowpaw could feel his heart burning with rage. "QUIT LOOKING AT ME DAMNIT!" He yowled to Starclan above. The cats all blinked at him and turned back to their chatting.

Crowpaw scanned the crowd. Cats were all seperated. One group all had she cats gathered around them and another had the strange scent of snot wafting from them. But the thing that caught his eyes the most was a scraggly, gray she cat sitting all by herself in a corner.  
Maybe she's new here also... He thought. Crowpaw silently started to hum to himself and made his way to the scrawny she cat. Her amber eyes were dull and she stunk. Really bad. "Hey my name is--"

Crowpaw was cut off as he was barreled into by a flash of gray fur. "DON'T TALK TO HER YOU MOUSEBRAIN!" The gray cat screeched. Crowpaw found himself pinned up against a wall with the gray cat staring at him. The she cat didn't even look his way, instead, she stared off into space.

"Uhh, excuse me, but can you please get off of me. I don't want my first impression around school to look like I'm gay" Crowpaw said curtly. The tom nodded and stepped off of Crowpaw's stomach. "Thanks, my name is Crowpaw, what's yours?"

The gray cat looked at Crowpaw. "I'm Graypaw. Just don't EVER go near that cat again and you'll be fine. Her name is Yellowpaw... she's really creepy and has bad hygiene. She also thinks everybody loves her and the she cats are jealous of her. The preps said that in high school, she'll probably be voted Most Likely To Suck Eggs... or marry Raggedstar" Graypaw explained. "Come on, let's go meet the crew"

Crowpaw watched Graypaw walk ahead of him, humming a merry tune. A flick of his tail told Crowpaw to follow him.

Graypaw led Crowpaw to a set of bleachers where five other cat were hanging at. A small tortoiseshell, a gray she cat, a black tom with a white tipped tail, and a flaming red tom. The crew, according to Graypaw. Graypaw flicked his tail once more for Crowpaw to stay where he was.

"Everybody, meet Crowpaw! I just rescued him from Yellowpaw, introduce yourselves" Graypaw informed. The tortoiseshell she cat took a step forward.

"I'm Sorrelpaw White, possibly the only sane one in our group. My daddy, Whitestorm, is the school counselor, so if you ever need your scedhule changed get me!" She explained. Sorrelpaw stepped back as the black tom walked forward.

"I'm Ravenpaw, and I think the world is going to end. The world, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! DONT LEAVE WITHOUT ME!" Ravenpaw shrieked. Sorrelpaw walked up to Ravenpaw and clouted him with a paw. Ravenpaw calmed down slightly as the flame colored tom walked up.

"I'm. Fire. Paw. I'm. Emo." He said. Graypaw raised his eye brows and nudged the gray she cat forward a little awkwardly.

"I"M CINDERPAW! IM A HYPERACTIVE NINJA WHO JUST LOVES TO BE HYPER! CAN YOU TELL! MY FULL NAME IS CINDERPAW RUNNING AND GUESS WHAT? I CANT WAIt--" Cinderpaw was cut off when Graypaw pushed her away.

"Well, anyway, the bell should be ringing soon. Do you have your class list yet?" Graypaw asked.

"Yeah" Crowpaw replied and started to dig through his duffle bag-- only to find it was gone. "Where is it!?" He yowled. Crowpaw looked around himself frantically. It was only when he looked up at Graypaw was when he saw his new friend pointing to Cinderpaw.

Crowpaw growled and walked over to the she cat. "Give it!" He snapped and snatched his bag up. Cinderpaw sat on her haunches and 'hmphed' angrily.  
Crowpaw then took out his list and handed it to Graypaw. The apprentice jumped. "SWEET! We have the same dorm AND classes. Oh, Ravenpaw, you're with me and Crowpaw here" Graypaw informed, reaching out for Crowpaw's head and giving him a noogie between his ears.

"Stop it!" Crowpaw whined and pushed away his friend. "Now when does the bell ring?" He asked a bit calmer. He looked over to Firepaw who had a watch on, the only thing was that the watch was black and was decorated with skulls and mouse bones.

"It. Should. Ring at. 7. : . 30" He said slowly.

"And what time is it now?" Sorrelpaw inquired.

Firepaw showed his watch to her. They still had ten minutes left. "So now what do we do?" Crowpaw asked.

"Tell you how to tick off Ms. Nightcloud. Easy, call her Nightcloud or you can just keep claiming that you don't get what she's staying. She's the math teacher. Or you can just ask a bunch of questions, that's what the seventh graders told us that they did last year" Graypaw explained.

Sorrelpaw blinked her green eyes. "Or you can just ask her to let Thistleclaw pass" She giggled. Crowpaw looked at Sorrelpaw and turned his head.

"Who's Thistleclaw?" He asked. Ravenpaw snorted.

"He's the oldest sixth, seventh, and eigth grader who was supposed to go to college 15 years ago but Nightcloud won't let him pass because he always fails the test and Bluestar says that until he learns to pay attention, he can't go to seventh grade" Sorrelpaw informed.

"Oh yeah! Tell him about Tigerstar!" Graypaw said excitedly.

Cinderpaw had finally calmed down and decided to talk. "Wellllllllllllllllllll, Coach Tigerstar is the head coach and is very big. He loves to yell in cats' faces and get his way. His greatest enemy is Redtail so all you have to do is say 'Redtail' around him and he'll go crazy. Watch, I'll tell you what to do at P.E. later today if he tells you anything" Cinderpaw said evilly.

"Oh, did you tell Crowpaw about your little 'problem' Graypaw?" Ravenpaw said calmly, still a little bit shaky though. Graypaw's eyes widened. "Tell him" He urged. Graypaw looked down at his paws.

"I'm... a crackhead..." He mumbled. Ravenpaw nudged his side. "I'm a crackhead" He said a bit louder.

"No, say it louder so Crowpaw can hear you" Sorrelpaw giggled again. Graypaw shot her a Death Glare Level 12.

"I"M A CRACKHEAD" He yowled to Crowpaw. Crowpaw flinched a little. "Now, as I was say--" Graypaw got cut off by the loud ringing sound of the bell.

"There's the bell. To Ms. Nightcloud!" Graypaw proclaimed, striking a pose like Superman.

"You. Watch. Too Much. TV" Firepaw said emo like. Sorrelpaw and Cinderpaw both chuckled. Crowpaw watched the four start walking away and he too, followed after them. Let's see who Nightcloud is...

--  
"Ugh, it's to early for math..." Graypaw muttered, putting his items on his chair. Graypaw then turned around and asked Sorrelpaw for a pencil

"Hello Ashfoot, thanks for picking me up from school today" Crowpaw growled.

"SIT DOWN MR. TORN AND MR. THUNDER, STOP FLIRTING WITH MS. WHITE!" Nightcloud roared from her desk.

"Bitch, I was not flirting so you need to shut the Hellclan up" Graypaw cursed. Crowpaw looked at his friend wide eyed.

"Did you just curse?" Crowpaw asked in disbelief. Graypaw nodded. "And she doesn't do anything about it?" Graypaw nodded again. "So that means I can curse her out if I ever wanted to?" Graypaw nodded his head one more time. "SWEET!" Crowpaw cheered.

"STOP TALKING TO MR. THUNDER MR. TORN!" Nightcloud roared again. Crowpaw swore that somewhere in history they would mention her name in Lionclan.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SKANKY ASS BITCH! GO GET LAID BY TIGERSTAR!" Crowpaw sneer/ roared. Nightcloud glared at Crowpaw and muttered something about having a new student to torture. "I don't like the sound of that..." He whispered to Graypaw.

"Don't worry about her. She always needed to get laid anyway. Like last year, Jaggedtooth told her off because she threatened to take a flame thrower to his girlfriend, Fernpelt. Ever since, she finally got her first heat" He chuckled.

Crowpaw stared at his friend for a long period of time.

"Are you serious? She has never became pregnant?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah, and according to Scourge, she's still a virgin too. And she's like, 37" Graypaw informed.

"Will you two shut up! Starclan! I'm like trying to like, like paint my claws, with like, claw polish!" A she cat yowled at Graypaw and Crowpaw. Crowpaw turned around to see a ginger colored she cat seated behind him.

"Who's that?" Crowpaw asked. Graypaw's whiskers twitched.

"That's Sandpaw, Stormpaw's girlfriend. She acts likes she owns this place" Graypaw explained. Crowpaw raised his head and nodded. Sandpaw only snorted and said something.

"Because I DO own this place! Stormy said he's going to buy me own Mouse-vette for our aniversary coming up in three weeks!" She cheered. Crowpaw looked at Graypaw.

"Please, you've only known him for one day and you're already having an anniversary?" Graypaw's expression seemed to say. Crowpaw turned around in his seat when he heard Nightcloud get up from her rolling chair by her computer. The smoky black she cat walked to the front of the room with a clip board in hand.

"Now, some of you ex- fifth graders might have heard of me. I am Nightcloud, but you should all have not known that except for Thistleclaw who has made it his life goal to not get anywhere in life" She growled.

"Shut up you hoe" A large tom sneered from the back of the room. Crowpaw turned around to see a large tom with multiple nose piercings and was wearing a shirt that said 'Only operational when stoned' sitting in a desk that had skulls drilled into it.

"Whatever." Nightcloud growled and returned back to the class. "Now to call roll. Shrewpaw" Everytime she said a name, somebody replied. "Graypaw?"

"Here"

"Crowpaw" She asked and looked around the room.

"Here" He replied. The she cats eyes narrowed.

"So it was you who said that earlier" She growled. Crowpaw yawned and nodded his head yes. "I'm watching you" She warned. Crowpaw dismissed her threat with a flick of his tail. Nightcloud growled in response. "Whatever, since I'm your homeroom teacher, I have to assign you all your lockers. Your last block teacher will assign dorms to those who paid in advance" She explained. "Now come on" Nightcloud added with her tail.

The class all gathered up their objects and followed Nightcloud out the door. Crowpaw walked beside Sorrelpaw and Graypaw, the only two friends of his that were in this class. Firepaw, Cinderpaw, and Ravenpaw were in Skywatcher's class.

As the class walked down the hall, Nightcloud would turn around every so often to see if Crowpaw and Graypaw were still there, when they were, she would turn back around.

Crowpaw would look at Graypaw and Sorrelpaw every once in a while and keep going. Nightcloud took a left down a narrow hallways and stopped in front of three sets of lockers, for her class. She started to read aloud a list of names and numbers.

"Crowpaw, locker number 48. Graypaw, locker number 47. Sorrelpaw, locker number 46. Please come get your combinations" She called out. Crowpaw and his two friends all strode over to where Nightcloud, now nicknamed Demon From Hell, or DFH, stood and grabbed a sheet of paper from her paw.  
Crowpaw walked back to his locker and read over the paper. " 35 - 5 - 31" He read quietly to himself. Crowpaw grasped his silver, metal lock and put the combination in and pulled. Nothing happened.

"Er.." He told himself and tried it again. Still, nothing happened. "Oh come on!" He snarled and dialed it again. Nothing. Crowpaw tried six more times and nothing happened. "Graypaw, can you help me?" He asked his friend who was already putting his notebooks and stuff away in his locker.

"Sure" He shrugged and walked over to his friend. Graypaw grabbed the lock and dialed Crowpaw's combination in it. And it opened.

"Wha? How could you get it!?" He yowled. Graypaw shrugged.

"Because Crowpaw, you're supposed to put it in your lock, not your neighbors" He sighed. Crowpaw's face darkened when he saw he ahd, indeed, been putting his locker number in Swiftpaw's lock.

"oops..." He muttered sheepishly. Swiftpaw glared at him.

Crowpaw turned back to his locker and started to put away his stuff. "So Crowpaw, why did you come to Warrior High?" He asked. Crowpaw stared at his friend with a blank expression.

"I don't know. My mother and father, Tornear and Ashfoot, both said Starclan's Learners was becoming filled with gay teachers and students. She said she had proof because she said Tallstar works there" He explained.

"Starclan's Learners? Gay people? Heh, you should look behind you at lockers numbered 23 - 37" Sorrelpaw piped in with. Crowpaw turned around to see a large group of students all talking in a voice that sounded TOO nice.

"Owlpaw, Mousepaw, Heatherpaw, Onewhisker, Willowpaw, Twig, and Rainfur. They're all gay along with a few others like Skywatcher and Shortwhisker" Graypaw informed. Crowpaw thingyed his head to the side and stared at Graypaw.

"AND YOU LET FIREPAW, CINDERPAW, AND RAVENPAW GO THERE!?" he exclaimed.

"Well duh, everybody knows that Skywatcher is gay. Why do you think he's been hitting on Tigerstar and Redtail for 28 years already? Moonflower once asked him out and he turned her down saying that what he really wanted a piece of was Tigerstar in his bed. Creepy" Talonpaw called out from his locker beside Sorrelpaw.

Crowpaw's eye widened so wide he would have sworn that they would pop out of his head. "O... kay... so what are we going to do right now? Do we just hang around our locker or what?" Crowpaw asked. From somewhere behind him, he heard Nightcloud walking up to him.

"Nope, NOW DROP DOWN GIVE ME FIFTY!" She yelled. Crowpaw looked at Nightcloud like she was off her ridlin or something. "NOW!" She added. Crowpaw just stared at her some more. "NOW OR IM GOING TELL BLUESTAR THAT YOU'RE BEING A BIG MEANIE HEAD!" She whined.

"Crowpaw, please give her something to make her shut up" Sorrelpaw complained.

"I guess.." He muttered and took out his wallet. He dug around inside of it and fished out a fifty dollar bill. "Here we go!" He proclaimed loudly. Crowpaw raised the dollar high up in the air in front of Nightcloud. "Here, take your crummy fifty" He growled.  
Nightcloud snorted and snatched it out of his paw before padding away to her desk. "Crowpaw, that wasn't real money was it?" Sorrelpaw asked.

"Nope"

"Then what was it?" Graypaw asked.

"Play money. I took it from some pre k -er before this fiction even began. I think his name was Snowkit or something..." He replied. Graypaw smirked at his friend and raised his paw to him.

"Rock on buddy"

"Rock on" Crowpaw replied as they smashed their paws together. Crowpaw felt something shoot up his paw and looked at Graypaw who was fighting back tears. Crowpaw felt his eyes water too before the two looked at the ceiling and screamed in unison:

"OOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"Are you two done being retards or can we get back to class?" Sorrelpaw interupted. The two friends stopped their screaming and stared at her with a pleading look. "Okay, one more time" She sighed. Graypaw and Crowpaw smiled at each other and began:

"OOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Somewhere on the other side of the planet, people who read warriors figured out how Snowkit went deaf.

"Now can we go back to class?" Sorrelpaw asked again. Crowpaw and Graypaw looked at her and blinked.

"Sure" They replied in unison and walked off.


	2. Chapter 2

**great! I'm happy people like it!**

Sasha surveyed her class from the front of her classroom. Crowpaw exchanged a glance with Graypaw. Graypaw exchanged a glance with Ravenpaw. Ravenpaw exchanged a glance with Sasha. Sasha exchanged a glance with Crowpaw. And of course, I could on about this forever but then I would probably lose all the hundreds of people who are reading this.

So of course, Sasha decided to start ranting about her class, which just so happened to be reading.

"Now, my name is Sasha for those of you dimwits not smart enough to figure that out by the name plate above my door. Now today, to get to know each other, we sha'll do a sharing circle." She explained. From the back of the class, Hawkpaw raised his paw. Sasha pointed to him. "Yes, Hawkpaw?"

"Do we have to do this?" He asked in an innocent tone.

"No, but the lesson plan says we have to so yes" She replied.

"Well that didn't make very much sense" Ravenpaw piped up with.

"You don't make sense, Now everybody, please form a circle around muah" She ordered as the class started to form a circle around said teacher. After the circle, which looked like a triangle, was formed, Sasha took a seat next to Yellowpaw, a clear look of disgust on the teacher's face. "Let's see, Hawkpaw, you can go first"

She chose Hawkpaw.

The apprentice coughed into the fur of the closest nerd which happened to be Harepaw at the time. "Okay, I'll start by saying that Owlpaw is the gayest--" Hawkpaw was cut off by Sasha.

"Tell us about YOU. Not others, even though no matter how much I would love to hear you talk about ruining others reputations for the rest of their school time" She said innocently.

"Aw man. Well, my name is Hawkpaw. Peace. I'm a bully here at Warrior High so DON'T MESS WITH ME BIOTCHES. Anyway, I have a sister named Mothpaw and I am not gay like SOME apprentices here" Hawkpaw introduced by glaring at Owlpaw.

"Okay, now Crowpaw. You speak" Sasha demanded.

The gray black apprentice looked at the class. They were staring at him. EVERY. LAST. FRICKIN. ONE OF THEM. "My name is Crowpaw, son of Ashfoot and Tornear and I'm new here. I used to go to Starclan's Learners and I... like dolphins?" He tried.

The class started laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing.

In fact, if they laughed anymore, they probably wouldn't be able to speak for the next moon. So whenever it died down, it was Graypaw's turn. "Well, I'm Graypaw Thunder, yo, and I am probably the biggest crackhead this school has ever seen. Heh, you should see my stash underneath my bed-- oops. I forgot Sasha was in here. Anyway, my dealer is Stonefur. Or as 'we' in da 'hood' call 'him', Stonedfur, or sometimes, Stonerfur."

Crowpaw saw Gorsepaw nudge Graypaw in the side and whisper, "Tell Stonerfur to visit me after school" Graypaw nodded and continued.  
"Anyway, it all started when I was a kit. My father brought me my first carton of cigarettes and pack of weed. Eventually, he let me grow my very own tobacco plant! Do you know how thrilled I was when I found out that Child Services were coming the next day!?--"

"I'm sure we would all LOVE to hear about your drug life Graypaw but Ravenpaw needs to speak now" Sasha butted in. Graypaw muttered something and crossed his paws as Ravenpaw started to speak.

"My name is-- ZOMG! A SHOOTING STAR! THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!THE WORLDS GOING TO END! END! END I TELL YOU!" Ravenpaw was now breathing heavily and sweating all over.

"Can somebody please go escort Mr. Barley to Whitestorm? Rainpaw, will you since he's your dad?" Sasha asked. Rainpaw stood and walked Ravenpaw out of the room, distant mutterings of 'the world is going to end' was heard as he walked down the hall.

"Uhh, can I go now?" A voice asked. Crowpaw turned to see Sandpaw speak up.

"... sure" Sasha replied. Sandpaw put away her lip gloss and claw polish and stood up. She clapped her paws and stood up on the desk before taking out her cell phone. " Ivypaw, please send off my jacket to the cleaners, Tawnypaw, please update the list of what's 'IN' and what's 'OUT' on our website, sandpawissomuchbetterthanyoubyallaround .net. You will? Thanks" And she flipped her cell phone shut.

"Will you start please, Ms. Rock?" sasha asked in a polite voice.

"Sure thing Mrs. Sasha" She said as innocently as she could. "Anyway, my daddy is Rockstar, owner of Starclan's Casino so I'm am like SOOOOOOOOOO rich! My BFF's are like, Tawnypaw, Tinypaw, Whitepaw, Squirrelpaw and Ivypaw! And you know what the best part is? IM THE LEADER! OMG! And, like, Spottedleaf is MY IDOL! NOBODY but SPOTTEDLEAF can wear stripes and still have all the toms fall for her!"

"YOU ROCK SANDY!" Squealed Whitepaw from the class.

"BFF's FOREVER GURL!" Sandpaw replied to her friend and held up her gold friendship bracelet.

"RIGHT ON GURLFRIEND!" Whitepaw screamed back. Crowpaw swore he was about to go deaf.

"Anyway, daddy let's me get whatever I want and hang out with whoever I want! That's why I'm dating Stormy--" She took a mmoment to wink at Stormpaw. "-- and daddy says that anytime I need something, I can call him! That's why you should all, like, be like, my like, next best friend!" She squealed.

"CAN I BE YOUR BEST FRIEND!" Yellowpaw shrieked from the class in an excited tone. Sandpaw looked at her.

"LIKE NO WAY! BECAUSE YOU ARE SO UGLY AND STUFF BUT MAYBE NEXT TIME!" She responded in a cheery tone. Crowpaw watched Yellowpaw's ears drop down.

"YOUR JUST JEALOUS THAT ALL THE TOMS LIKE ME!" Yellowpaw protested.All the class stared at Yellowpaw and started laughing at her. "See, they laugh at my decision and your foolish reply!" She proclaimed until she was promptly smacked by an eraser.

"Uhh... can somebody else go now?" Talonpaw asked.

"Okay then, let Harepaw, the biggest nerd on Earth from Windclan go" Squirrelpaw sneered from beside Sandpaw as she came sit down. Harepaw took a big sniff, letting everybody in the class hear all his snot go up through his nose. The tom tried to stand up but tripped over Graypaw's outstreched leg and knocked over Sandpaw's cell phone.

"EWWWWWWWWWW! THE NERD TOUCHED MY CELL PHONE! Quick! Whitepaw! Order me a new one!" She demanded. Whitepaw quickly whipped out her neon pink RAZR and started dialing her dad's cell phone company. "Okay, now the nerd can speak" She then took a huge breather and let Harepaw speak.  
The apprentice inhaled again and spoke. "My name is H-harepaw and I-i l-love Star Trek and S-star W-wars. My best friend... or B - F - F" He started, spelling out each letter on his fingers.

"EW! Chatspeak is wayyyyyyy out! A nerd just abused chatspeak! Send him to court!" Squirrelpaw exclaimed.

"I'll just go sit down now!" Harepaw said quickly and scampered off to his seat. Along his way, he was shot death glares by Sandpaw, Squirrelpaw, and Whitepaw who were all calling an air cleanser to clean the air that he just passed by.

"Well, everybody, please straighten up your desk so I can pass out text books. We might do some more people tommorrow" Sasha explained. The students all moaned but nonetheless, straightened out their desk into the rows they were once in.  
Crowpaw let out a yawn and watched Sasha as she walked to the back of the room and came out with five stacks of reading books. "Everybody come take one. Yellowpaw and the nerds get the crappy ones. So please, everybody take all the good ones before they do!" Sasha taunted, pointing a miserable finger at Yellowpaw and the nerds.

After all the books were passed out, Sasha returned to her desk and let the students do whatever they wanted for the last twenty minutes of class. Thistcleclaw already starting to shred his reading book and the nerds already starting to answer the questions in the book.  
Graypaw sat at his desk flipping through his book boridly and occasionally yawning. Crowpaw blinked at him and opened up his book. Crowpaw looked down at the cover of the book, which was a picture of Warrior High from the front of it, the lawn neatly cut and banners all taken down. The apprentice turned to page 1 and started scanning through the table of contents.

Crowpaw scanned through the titles, all in different categories. A few for the fantasy section were: Starclan: Where Are you?  
Crowpaw read the summary for it:

Badgerkit was different, he just knew it. He was always taunted for being the runt in his litter and the fact that as an apprentice, he was the worst fighter and hunter. But one day, Starclan give him a power and he instantly excels at everything! But one cat out there has the power too, and can use his better than Badgerpaw can use his, problem is, Badgerpaw doesn't know who he is, but he knows who Badgerpaw is, and he'll stop at nothing to kill him.

"Boring..." He muttered to himself when he came across another title: The Complete, Everything You Ever Needed Or Wanted To Know About Riverclan. The summary, Ever wanted to know everything about Riverclan?

"Well that sounds gay..." Crowpaw chuckled. Crowpaw shut the book and looked over at Graypaw who was looking at Thistleclaw, the warrior was busily burning his book with a cigarette. Sasha was only flirting with Hawkpaw.


	3. Chapter 3

**great! I'm happy people like it!**

"I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. " Cinderpaw kept chanting as the friends all walked down the hallways and to the gym. For P.E., Firepaw, Graypaw, Crowpaw, Sorrelpaw, and Cinderpaw all had Tigerstar together.

"Calm down Cinderpaw" Sorrelpaw told her friend. "Oh, Ravenpaw, are you okay now?" She asked the black apprentice. Ravenpaw's head popped up from where he was walking, between Crowpaw and Firepaw.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He yowled.

Graypaw rolled his eyes. "You just had to say something did you?" He growled. Sorrelpaw shrugged.

"She's like an annoying, over caring older sister" Cinderpaw butted in. "Oh yeah,I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. Okay, just had to put that in" She said and then smiled.

"Can we. Go Now?" Firepaw said gloomily.

"CHEER UP MR. EMO CAT!" Cinderpaw cheered, doing a back flip over Firepaw's head. "The world is a better place when you're happy! When I'm happy! When we're alllllllllllllllllllll happy! I think I got a theme song now!" Cinderpaw said hyperly and started bouncing down the hall repeating "The world is a better place when you're happy! When I'm happy! When we're alllllllllllllllllllll happy!"

"Uhh... Graypaw, do you know if Cinderpaw took her medication this morning?" Sorrelpaw asked.

"No, I'm afraid to go knock on her door. Remember in 4th grade when I lost my homework and went to her house and Frostfur answered the door. I'm never doing that again" Graypaw shivered at the thought. Crowpaw turned his head to the side.

"What's so bad about Cinderpaw's mom?" He asked. Sorrelpaw, Ravenpaw, Firepaw, and Graypaw all stopped and stared at Crowpaw like he was high or something.

"Lots. Of things" Firepaw answered when it was apparent none of his friends were going too. "Bad. Thoughts. Princesspaw. Mudered" Firepaw's whole body shook violently.

"Uh, Graypaw, is that natural for Firepaw or something?" Crowpaw asked skeptically. Ravenpaw instead looked up at him and nodded his head in 'yes' fashion. "Okay, because I was starting to worry about him"

"No, I think you should be more worried about Cinderpaw running into a randomly placed--brick wall" Sorrelpaw winced whenever she said because following very shortly after the word 'placed', Cinderpaw ran into a wall.

"I'M OKAY!" She piped up with, standing up to reveal sixteen missing teeth and a bent claw. "Oh yeah, The world is a better place when you're happy! When I'm happy! When we're alllllllllllllllllllll happy!" Crowpaw watched Sorrelpaw smack her forehead in frustration.

"Can we just get going before the tardy bell rings?" Crowpaw asked.

"The new kid. Has. A point" Firepaw said.

"Oh cheer up Mr. Emo!" Cinderpaw announced. Firepaw's emerald green eyes drilled into her pelt.

"First person. To mess with. Me. Has a date. With. my razor" He threatened, holding up his blood coated razor. Cinderpaw winced at it.

"Well excuse us if we're not emo like SOME people over here" Cinderpaw said sacrastically and pointing to Firepaw.

"Dart. Board." He replied and flung his razor at Cinderpaw.

The gray she cat squeaked and jumped in the air to have the razor make contact with Harepaw. The nerd jumped fifteen feet in the air and started using big words. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My flesh has been punctured by the usage of a lethal, deadly, and sharp piece of weaponry! I'm going to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" He screamed.

Crowpaw looked at Graypaw who was staggering on his feet. "Big... words... too... confusing... "He started muttering. Sorrelpaw sighed and raced to his side and helped him walk straight.

"Come on, the tardy bell should be ringing in about... 23.4532.012.7474.12432432.4624.00025620 seconds!" Shrieked Kestrelpaw when he got ahold of Harepaw. Sorrelpaw and Crowpaw both looked at each other and said in unison: "Shit" And then they raced off to the gym, where Tigerstar was waiting for them.

--

The apprentices all sat in the bleachers as Tigerstar called roll, pacing about the gym so much that Crowpaw thought he would create a hole if he did it any more. All the while, Crowpaw kept staring at a new kid, some cat named Mintkit who was in prek k but she was so smart they moved her to sixth.

"Now" Tigerstar started in an army-ish type voice. "I want..." He said in a slower voice. "For all of you..."

"TO DROP DOWN GIVE ME FIFTY!" he screamed. All the apprentices, except for Sandpaw and her group, all started doing push ups, even Crowpaw and Graypaw. Firepaw was doing push ups, slitting his wrist everytime he came up.

Mintkit stood where she was, staring at Tigerstar and trembling uncontrollably. "Well? You heard me!" He yelled and got closer to Mintkit until there was a 0.92364926592548756439856239 inch space between the two.

"Y-yes M.mr. T-tigerstar?" She trembled.

"I saiddddddd, DROP DOWN GIVE ME FIFTY!" He screeched. Mintkit instantly broke out in tears and started crying nonstop. Her fur got soaked to the bone by her own tears until Sandpaw threw Harepaw at Mintkit to shut her up. Inevitably, the pre k-er went back to Pre K and swore vegeance against Tigerstar and Sandpaw for the rest of her life.

45 years later, Crowpaw would find out that she became a professional hitman, dressed up as Scourge, did a reanactment of A Dangerous Path, and killed Tigerstar.

Mintkit raced out of the gym, her screams filling Crowpaw's ears for the rest of the day. Tigerstar then whipped back around to face his class, his eyes were literally glowing red and he had spouted a tail and two horns. Crowpaw could fadely make out an image of a pitch fork in his right paw.  
After the class had finished doing Tigerstar's task of 5,000 sit ups, 45,000 laps around the gym, and 3,000,000 screams of 'Tigerstar is lyk da bestest teacha eva', they got to all go sit back down... if it wasn't for the fact that Tigerstar called Graypaw and Crowpaw over to him.

"Yes, Tigerstar?" Graypaw asked innocently. Tigerstar glared at him.

"I am about to send you two on a mission. I want you-- what is Cinderpaw doing in here?" He asked seeing the gray she cat hiding behind a pencil in his doorway.

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! You can't see me! Imma ninja!"

"You're going to be a dead ninja if you don't get out of my office right now" Tigerstar threatened. Cinderpaw squeaked and raced away to go bother Ravenpaw, Firepaw, and Sorrelpaw in the bleachers.

"As I was saying, I have a mission for you two. I want you two to go steal the records of every she cat Redtail has ever been with" Tigerstar explained. Crowpaw and Graypaw flashed each other a glance.

"Why?" Crowpaw asked curiously.

"Because, Redtail is the vice prinicipal, thus making him my enemy. Now GO!" He yowled. Instead of going to Redtail's office and stealing documents as their sociopath P.E. teacher ordered them to go do, Graypaw and Crowpaw instead ran off to go hide behind Sorrelpaw in hopes of banishing Tigerstar from Warrior High. Except, it didn't work out how they wanted it too.

"GRAYPAW AND CROWPAW! GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE!" The teacher screamed at the top of his lungs. Crowpaw's head popped up and he vigorously shook his head.

"He's coming" Graypaw whispered.

"Can I ask why you two are hiding behind my back?" Sorrelpaw asked. She only received a sharp 'no' and two apprentices crouching further down.  
Tigerstar strode up to Sorrelpaw and pushed her aside with his paw. Sorrelpaw only flew into Firepaw where she stood back up with her jaw hanging in 'oh' fashion.

"YOU TWO GO GET THAT RECORD RIGHT NOW OR ELSE I WILL MURDER YOU WITH A FORK!" Graypaw straightened up and nudged for Crowpaw to do the same.

Graypaw quietly, but quickly whispered something into his friends ear. A malicious grin spread across his face and Crowpaw gave his black - gray fur a few licks. With a short cough and 'ah hem', Crowpaw looked Tigerstar dead in the eye and inhaled deeply. "Tigerstar, REDTAIL IS SNEAKING INTO YOUR OFFICE TO STEAL YOUR PORN!" He yowled.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE PORN! REDTAIL WILL PAY!" He yowled and raced off to his office, which just so happened to be where the dorms were. And to be precise, the dorms were actually two buildings down.

So that meant by the time Tigerstar got back, third period would be over.

"Nice one Crowpaw!" Graypaw congratulated. The two apprentice raised their paws and high fived each other.

"Shouldn't we just leave class already? This gym smells like Tigerstar, sweat, and Tigerstar's spit" Crowpaw asked in a matter - of - factly voice, all while looking around to see Tigerstar's spit on the polished floor from him yelling.

"Sure" Graypaw shrugged.

"Hang on!" Cinderpaw squealed. Crowpaw and Graypaw both stopped and turned to see Cinderpaw smiling a large toothy grin. "I have to sing you something!"

"What?" Crowpaw asked rather reluctantly. And the fact that he'd only known Cinderpaw for a few hours, he was already hating her, just the annoying part and the fact that Brackenpaw couldn't every once in a while remind his sister to take her medication.

"Okay, here it goes:"  
"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and it goes like this!:I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, EVERYBODY'S NERVESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

"See? Look what you made Cinderpaw do Crowpaw!" Sorrelpaw shouted as she covered her ears with her sweater.

"Fair point..." Graypaw mumbled.

"Let's just go already" Crowpaw sighed. Graypaw, Firepaw, Ravenpaw, Cinderpaw, and Sorrelpaw all shrugged and headed off to go to their fourth period class, and then, lunch.

--

It was now fourth period. And Graypaw, Crowpaw, and Cinderpaw all took this class together. Then again, Graypaw took every class with Crowpaw.  
Their teacher was Snowfur, Bluestar's sister and the language teacher, but luckily for the class, she was hyper. Very, very, hyper. Some even thought that she and Cinderpaw might have been related.

"OKAY CLASS! GUESS WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO TODAY? CAN YOU GUESS? HUH? CAN YA? CAN YA? CAN YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!?" She yowled, causing her voice to echo all around the small classroom.  
Harepaw, Kestrelpaw, and the other nerds all got nose bleeds.

"CAN I GUESS!? CAN I!" Cinderpaw shrieked, knocking her pencils and crayons all over Tinypaw and Ivypaw's desk. The two she cats glared at Cinderpaw with immense hatred.

"SURE YOU CAN!" Snowfur responded immeadiately.

"I don't know..." She muttered and started crying.

"That was random. Anyway, Mrs. Snowfur, o mother of Whitestorm, daughter of Moonflower, sister of Bluestar, aunt of Mistyfoot, Mosskit, and Stonefur, and great aunt to Mistyfoot's some how unrandomly not named kits, and grand mother of Sorrelpaw, Rainpaw, and Sootpaw and great grandmother of Poppypaw, Hazelpaw, the reincarnated Cinderpaw, and Molepaw, can we go to our next class?" Crowpaw asked.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! You recited my family tree! You can go to lunch then" Snowfur then started to weep and ran to the teacher's lounge to cry.

"Hoorah!" Shouted the class, except for the nerds who all wanted to learn.

"Ugh... what IS this stuff?" Cinderpaw asked, poking her food with a fork.

"I believe it is twoleg food. Some new diet the school has to put us on this year, claiming that mice and shrew consumption can cause cancer like in the authoress's story, The Savage Generation: Memories's character named Emberpaw who has cancer" Sorrelpaw explained.

"What's an author?" Graypaw asked coming to the table with his plate in hand and dragging Stormpaw beneath his arm, the gray tom was currently trying to bat away Graypaw.

"uhh... Graypaw, why do you have Stormpaw with you? I thought we hated the jocks?" Crowpaw asked.  
"Fon't be goolish!"

"Okay, who slipped liquid crack in his milk?" Ravenpaw asked, looking around the cafeteria.

"He ma bitch ever fuseday" Graypaw slurred.

"Bitch?" Crowpaw inquired.

"Yep, Stormy be mah bitch" He slurred again until Stormpaw slipped out of his grasp and raised a paw, striking Graypaw across his 'beautiful' face.

"Yo fool, don't mess with me like that again and I'll be forced to call Scourge over here!" Stormpaw threatened before stalking away to his table, where Brackenpaw, Breezepaw, Cloudpaw, Lionpaw, Thornpaw, Bramblepaw, and Foxpaw were all sitting at.

"My mother, I feel like I just got hit by a train..." Graypaw slurred again, staggering as he sat down at the table.  
"because. You just. Got punched. By Storm. Paw." Firepaw replied and held up his razor for all the table to see.

"Well, I have a better idea" Cinderpaw said.

"Really? Do tell us" Ravenpaw said sarcastically. The apprentice had his eyes on Firepaw's razor when he dropped it. "THE WORLDS GOIN TO END! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IM TO YOUNG TO DIE!" He screamed. Sorrelpaw flciked a piece of corn in his eyes. "I'M BLIND!"  
Sorrelpaw slapped her forehead.

Cinderpaw inhaled and then announced. "FOOD FIGHT!"

The six friends had all gotten to skip their fifth and six blocks which were Petalnose for science and Sharpclaw for history. Now they were making their way towards seventh block-- Clovertail, for elective. Only, because they had to scrub tables AND go take a bath down at the wash room which was four buildings away.

Clovertail was right now, assinging dorms to all of them, Crowpaw ending up with Graypaw and Ravenpaw, as his friend had told him earlier.  
Crowpaw flopped down backwards on his bed. "This. Is torture" He mumbled. Graypaw sat up from his bed and looked at him.

"Hey, be happy you got stuck with Mr. The Worlds Going To End Everytime Firepaw Drops His Razor instead of Ms. Start A Food Fight In The Cafeteria Lady"

"You do have a point I suppose" Crowpaw mumbled. The only sound he was hearing was the steady drum of water as it splashed against the bottom of the shower, where Ravenpaw was at currently.

"Well, I'm tired"

"Then go to bed"

"I am, now goodnight" Crowpaw mumbled into his pillow. Graypaw shrugged and did the same.


	4. Chapter 4

**To Ziro--Im sorry but you dont have any proof that u wrote this. A girl name Tawnyfire on the Warriors Wish Proboards Forums wrote it...**

Crowpaw's eyes moved rapidly as his ears fluttered against his head fur, the AC blowing a firm breeze. "Yes, Yellowpaw, OH YES!" He yowled in his sleep, a pillow clutched firmly in his paws. Little did he know, it was 5:30 AM and he had, of course, woken up his trying to sleep roommates, Ravenpaw and Graypaw.

Ravenpaw's eyes twitched horribly, glaring and scowling at his new found friend. "Graypaw, what is he dreaming about?" Ravenpaw asked through gritted teeth. The apprentice was still fighting back the urge to horribly maim the sleeping tom.

"I'm thinking something along the lines of either: a.) Raping Yellowpaw b.) Courting Yellowpaw, or c.) Wanting to get Yellowpaw out of her fur" Graypaw suggested. He was then promptly smacked by the apprentice who thinks the world is going to end. "Ow!" He hissed. "Can't a tom go back to sleep around here..."

"Maybe we COULD if CROWPAW! SHUT THE HELL UP!" Ravenpaw yowled, inching closer when he yelled Crowpaw's name.

The apprentice then decided to start snoring while muttering stuff about Yellowpaw. Ravenpaw's eyes twitched again as he started to move towards his math notebook, whilst whistling. The apprentice outstreched a black furred paw and gently grabbed the notebook, walking back towards Crowpaw.

"Wha?" Graypaw asked, turning his head to the side. Ravenpaw flicked a wrist at him and raised the notebook high above his head. Graypaw straightened out his head and chuckled, now he understood, and if Crowpaw was STILL sleeping after that, let's say he'd be waking up next and wouldn't go back to sleep either.

Ravenpaw's eyes gleamed maliciously, and with one final movement, he brought the notebook crashing down on Crowpaw.

Things never went the way Crowpaw liked it. Ashfoot had sent him to Warrior High, Starclan's Learners was officially gay, Nightcloud and Tigerstar hated him, he was dreaming about making out with Yellowpaw, and now, he was wide awake, claws latched in the ceiling and he had notebook imprints in face. And directly below him, Graypaw and Ravenpaw were smiling evilly up at him.

"That's not funny guys!" He whined. Ravenpaw snorted.

"Sure it is, while you're dreaming about your sexual fantasies with Yellowpaw, we are trying to sleep. So then our good little buddy Ravenpaw gets the bright idea to smack with you with a notebook. Rather brilliant if you ask me" Graypaw said cheekily. This time Crowpaw got to snort.

"And besides, if we can't sleep, then you won't either. And we have two hours till school starts so you better go get some coffee or something" Ravenpaw added.

Crowpaw slightly growled at his friends, retarcting his claws only to fall on his bed. "Oh crap..." He muttered when he saw Ravenpaw's eyes widen to the size of the moon. "I knew I shouldn't have done that" He cursed himself.

Ravenpaw inhaled deeply and:

"THE WORLDS GOING TO END! AN EARTHQUAKE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CROWPAW FELL FROM THE CEILING! WHY MUST THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!?" He screamed, not yowled, yes, screamed my dear readers.

Graypaw watched Ravenpaw run around in circles before padding over to Crowpaw's side. "I'll bet" He sighed.

"Me too, I say 10 minutes?" He guessed. Graypaw shook his head.

"Nah, I say 30" He replied. "Deal?" Crowpaw shrugged his shoulders.

Crowpaw's eyes watched the steam roll off the top of his coffee. His paw trembled as he brought the mug to his mouth and set it back down gently. Yes, now he'd only have to wait twenty more minutes before he could get ready for school and then get back to the dorm, and CRASH out.

"Hey Graypaw, Did Ravenpaw wake up from his concussion from running into Hawkpaw and Dustpaw's door yet?" Crowpaw asked. Garypaw looked at him and shook his head.

Crowpaw frowned a bit when he found his blue eyes traveling over to Ravenpaw's limp form. "Poor guy..." Crowpaw could silently feel Graypaw's amber eyes burning into his gray - black fur. "But, I suppose that's what he gets for screaming 'the worlds going to end' all the time and running around like Cinderpaw on weed"

"Hey, don't be dissin' weed like that. Do you know how hard it is to make the money to pay Stonerfur for it?" Graypaw asked with a challenge to his tone.

"No. Lemme guess, you steal the money from Harepaw, Kestrelpaw, Hollypaw, Leafpaw, Cody, and Molepaw?" Crowpaw sighed. Crowpaw smirked when he heard a small 'hmph' come from Graypaw, which was shortly followed by a crossing of paws.

"Maybe..." He muttered.

"Well good, because if I know Tornear and Ashfoot, they'll probably give all my lunch money and dorm money to my little brother and sister, Duskkit and Arrowkit"

"You have a brother and sister?" Graypaw asked, his mood lightening up a bit.

"Yeah, they go to a different school. I have another brother named Eaglekit, but nobody knows what happened to him because he was mentioned in 'Fire and Ice' in the prologue and the mysteriously disappeared. Ashfoot didn't really act like she scared though" Crowpaw explained.

"What's Fire and Ice?" Graypaw asked. Crowpaw shrugged.

"I don't know, some book that Erin Hunter wrote that seemingly follows our serious lives. Guess what? They even know what my name will be!" Crowpaw yowled dreamily.

"Really? Then what is it?" Graypaw grinned.

Nearby, actually by Graypaw's hindpaws but the authoress wants to make it 'nearby, Ravenpaw was stirring. The black apprentice raised his head, dazed and muttering random words. "My mother, I say, what happened?" He slurred. Crowpaw motioned to Ravenpaw with his eyes to Graypaw.

"Nighty night, Ravenpaw" Graypaw smirked and whacked Ravenpaw with a ruler.

The apprentice, once again, collapsed on the floor, muttering more random words, and then fell with an audible 'thunking sound. "Uhh... Graypaw, you do realize he has to go to class, right?" Crowpaw inquired.

"Yes, I do REALIZE that but do I CARE about that? Not really" He replied, flicking a loose piece of Ravenpaw Fur of his 'beautiful' fur. "Anyway, what is your name going to be again?" He asked, going back to their previous discussion.

"I don't know! The book store only had Fire and Ice! They said I couldn't read any others or else they would have to deal with major problems like OOC and cats knowing their destiny and stuff..." Crowpaw mumbled. "Rather stupid if you ask me" He added with a growl.

"Well, shouldn't we be getting ready for school or something?" Graypaw asked with one more look at Ravenpaw's limp form. "Ya know Crowpaw, in the short time I've known you--" Graypaw stopped and started breaking out in tears.

"Uhh... what?" Crowpaw asked a bit skeptical. Graypaw got up and made his way over to Crowpaw where he rest a hand on his shoulder, burying his muzzle into Crowpaw's fur. "erm..."

"-- I have to say, YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND I COULD EVER ASK FOR!" He sobbed loudly.

"Are you feeling okay-- wait a second, you got into the crack again didn't you?" Crowpaw asked with a frown. Graypaw instantly stopped sobbing and looked up at him with an eager expression.

"Crack? WHERE!" He yowled. The gray apprentice flung himself off Crowpaw's chair and started on a rampage around the room to look for crack, or anything else he could get high off of. Crowpaw wasn't even about to say that they had about 10 minutes left until they had to get to school. "Aww.. tehre's no crack..." He sighed.

"Just come on!" Crowpaw growled. The gray furred apprentice marched up to Graypaw and grabbed him by his scruff and started to haul him out of the dorm.

"But what about Ravenpaw?" Graypaw questioned, making Crowpaw stop at the door.

"I don't know, leave him right there... I guess" Crowpaw shrugged. Graypaw shrugged with him and started along with the walk to the gym, where they could have some time with Firepaw, Sorrelpaw, and Cinderpaw, without Mr. The Worlds going To End.

"Where's Ravenpaw at?" Sorrelpaw asked as soon as Graypaw and Crowpaw walked to their spot in the bleachers. Crowpaw shared an uneasy glance with his newfound friend.

"Uhh... let's just say... he ran into a door. I think you would know why" Crowpaw told the tortoiseshell. Sorrelpaw smacked her forward and muttered something about the world not going to end and Ravenpaw being the most retardest (Is that even a word??) cat she had ever known.

"Raven. Paw. Retard" Firepaw said in a low monotone.

Crowpaw decided he'd had enough of standing and padded over to sit beside Sorrelpaw and Firepaw, Graypaw sitting a bleacher below him and Cinderpaw to his left. "So Sorrelpaw, Firepaw, Crowpaw, watch this" Graypaw said with a wink.

"Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Why you didn't say my name!?" Cinderpaw demanded.

"Because, you're the youngest" Graypaw smirked and padded away.

"Oh Starclan, there he goes, flirting again with Minnowpaw..." Sorrelpaw sighed.

"Does he always do that?" Crowpaw asked. Cinderpaw, Firepaw, and Sorrelpaw all looked at him like he was crazy or something.

"Well duh! Everybody here knows that Graypaw can't talk to a she cat without asking them out. Usually, he gets kicked down the bleachers or beat up by said she cats boyfriend or brothers." Cinderpaw explained. Crowpaw nodded and looked back at Graypaw. The gray furred student turned back to Crowpaw with a wink and turned around to Minnowpaw.

"Here we. Go" Firepaw sighed.

Crowpaw rolled his eyes and turned to see what could be SO horrible about Graypaw flirting. It wasn't like he wasn't handsome or anything, it was just that... besides being a crackhead, he was also, a she - cat --anizer. In other words, he was always scoping out she cats for a future mate.

"I don't see what's so bad about him flirting" Crowpaw shrugged. Sorrelpaw marched up to Crowpaw, grabbe his head, and yanked it around so he could see Graypaw.

Although he couldn't hear what was being said, Crowpaw understood what was going on when he saw Minnowpaw hiss and kick Graypaw down the bleachers. "Poor guy" Firepaw mumbled, staring at his razor very temptingly.

"Stay away from me you ugly, fucking, perverted son a bit--" Minnowpaw suddenly found her mouth cupped by one of her friend's paws.

"Ah hem, the language, Minnowpaw" She reminded her friend. Crowpaw snorted in amusement when he saw Minnowpaw watching with a satifactory grin as Graypaw continued to roll down the bleachers.

"So, while we wait for Millie to come and declare if he has broken anything, I say we get to class" Sorrelpaw suggested.

Crowpaw turned back to face Sorrelpaw and shrugged. "Sure... why not?" He asked. Firepaw and Cinderpaw shrugged and stood, collecting their belongings. "Come on Graypaw!" Crowpaw called to his friend. Crowpaw's whiskers twitched when he watched Graypaw stumble to his paws and clumsily run to his friends.

"Now! To the DFH's class!" Cinderpaw proclaimed.

Bluestar's voice rang about the classroom, starting with the morning announcements. "Hello and welcome to the first real day to Warrior High. I am Bluestar, head principal. Today, we'll start off with something from Brokenstar. he says any of you interested in joing the Warrior High Wolves mouse ball team, to go meet him on the track field after school. Sixth through seniors only"

Crowpaw turned to see Stormpaw and his friends, Bramblepaw, Foxpaw, Thornpaw, and a few others nodding their heads to each other, Sandpaw looked pleased.

"From Graypool, head of the cafeteria, today we will be serving roast beef, potatoes, some steamed sushi, and pears on the side. Drinks can be purchased at the drink machine down the hall. Smoky and Nightstar, two of the janitors, would like to tell everybody that the south wing, around Clovertail's classroom, the floor will be getting polished and cleaned today so please stay off of it. There is a passage way to left where you can walk."

Graypaw had a malicious smirk appear on his face.

"And our final announcement, teachers, their will be a staff meeting after school hours, have a nice day"

Nightcloud stood in the front of the class, going up and down her roll. With an irritated sigh, she clicked her pen and set it down. "Well, seeing as today is Thursday, I think that you all can get homework, especially you Crowpaw and Graypaw" She sneered, glaring directly at two said students.

"THAT IS NOT FAIR!" Sandpaw whined from behind Crowpaw.

Crowpaw swore for a second he was going deaf as the she cat moved forward to scream. "Damn... cat gotta loud mouth" He muttered. Crowpaw's crystal blue eyes found their way back to Nightcloud who was smirking.

"Instead, I think only Crowpaw and Graypaw should get homework. After all, I don't like them" She grinned again. Crowpaw felt his fur start to boil and he could literally see Graypaw itching to tear off Nightcloud's ears with his claws.

"Bitch" Graypaw muttered instead. Nightcloud frowned and looked down at Graypaw.

"Mr. Thunder, if you continue to use that language, I will send you to Bluestar's office" She threatened. Crowpaw laughed to himself when he saw Graypaw lean back in his chair and cross his paws, a smug grin plastered across his gray - furred face.

"Do it" He replied.

"You wanna watch me?" She dared.

"Go, I bet you won't" He retorted.

"Fur ball" Nightcloud shot back.

"Is that the best you've got?" Graypaw sneered. From somewhere behind Crowpaw, he heard one of the nerds mumbling stuff about Graypaw was going to get in trouble.

"No, it's all right here--" Nightcloud snarled, approaching Graypaw with her teeth bared.

In an instant Swiftpaw and Talonpaw leaped from their seats and were restraining Nightcloud by her fur. "Haha! Can't do anything now can you bitch?" Graypaw taunted. Nightcloud's eyes were starting to turn a demon - like red, and of course, Crowpaw swore that she was wearing the devil's, wife's, wedding ring.

"Quick! Get the radstick!" Sorrelpaw exclaimed from her seat. Crowpaw leapt from his desk and raced to go find the nearest said yardstick to beat Nightcloud over the head with. Harepaw, one of the nerds, reached for it only to have his paw smacked by Crowpaw as the apprentice grabbed ahold of it.

Crowpaw raised the yardstick high above his head and started a victory dance. "I have-- RETURNED!" He announced. Somewhere in the back of the class, another apprentice let out a cat call, turned out, it was Owlpaw, Shortwhisker's mansleeper.

"Quick! Whack her!" Talonpaw cheered Crowpaw on.

"I'm... com... in!" Crowpaw stuttered, trying to add a dramatic effect to it. His paws thudded against the class floor, his heart in his throat and his breathing hard. Crowpaw's tail flapped in the wind while the yard stick was held out ot his right like a weapon. "Almost... there..." He started panting now.

Sweat was dripping off his left flank and his usual gray black fur was now a dark blackish brown color. His paw pads felt like cracking and he could have sworn he was turning only twelve feet into five miles.

-Music DJ scratching sound insertion-

"Will you please stop it with all the dramatic effects?" Whitepaw asked, looking up at the authoress through her computer and wordpad and staring at Alyson like she was some weird person who has no life.

"Just one more" The authoress replied in a sly tone that didn't sound in the least bit sly.

-Back to the Fanfiction world and out of the OOC world also known as Earth that has multiple wars going on that involve guns, lots and lots of high powered rifles-

Crowpaw was now on the classroom floor, dragging his hindpaws along the polished white, dusty, floor. "Almost... there" He said exhaustedly. He reached out the yardstick slowly and handed it to Swiftpaw. "Take... it" he rasped afterwards and then collapsed, and promptly died.

"HEY!" Sorrelpaw shouted. "I thought this was a humor fic? Don't kill him or the reviewers won't have anything to say and they'll be pissed off at you!"

"Sorry then, pretend all the crap about Crowpaw dying never happened. Nightcloud got whacked with a yardstick and got knocked out. Then, Hawkpaw and Dustpaw decided to throw a party, but it was soon crashed when NIghtcloud came back which by then, there was only 10 minutes left of their class. Happy"

- Back to teh fiction-

"ESSAYS! ESSAYS! ESSAYS! ESSAYS! ESSAYS! ESSAYS!" Nightcloud screamed at her class. Crowpaw, Graypaw, and a few others started snickering, casting a small glance at the broken yardstick which was lying in two at Nightcloud's hindpaws.

The black she cat walked impatienty, up and down each row, handing out essays to all the students except for Sandpaw and her friends, of course, they were her 'pets' who were right in everything they did.

The she cat strutted back to the front of the class. "Now, for those of you who have homework, it'll be page 7,385,007,398, numbers 284 all the way to 9,284. I want each problem worked out, with proof of work, and put into every language you can think of. Then, I want you to write a WORD form of the problems, and after you're done with that, I want you to tranlate it for other clans and countries" Nightcloud stopped when she saw Thistleclaw raise his paw. "What?" She spat in disgust.

"What's a country?" He asked. Nightcloud stood before him and scratched her head.

"Err... I don't really know, BUT DO IT ANYWAY!" She yowled, causing a few students to duck or flinch.

"Whatever" Thistleclaw snorted, his nose ring flipping upwards. "I'm leaving. This class sucks ass anyway" He growled and stood up, slinging his items across his back in a movement of disgust. Crowpaw's eyes shifted over to the clock, 5 minutes left. Then, he found himself looking at Nightcloud, her jaw dropped all the way to the floor.

A couple of students whispered amongst themselves when Hawkpaw and Dustpaw got up. "Thistleclaw has a point" Dustpaw sneere and followed Hawkpaw out the door.

One by one, the students started to exit the classroom, leaving behind, a VERY pissed off Nightcloud. The black she - cats tail lashed back and forth and she started to mutter things. Crowpaw then turned to Graypaw as he started packing up his items. "Hey Graypaw, I just realized something, we left Ravenpaw in the dorm"

"Oh well" Graypaw replied. Crowpaw shrugged and headed out the door with the class.

Groans, hisses, and curses were thrown at each other as Sasha's second period class entered, nobody had yet noticed Ravenpaw's absence yet. But of course, Graypaw, Crowpaw, Firepaw, Cinderpaw, or Sorrelpaw weren't going to say a word about it.

"Hello class-- HAWKPAW! OMG! YOU LOOK SO HOT TODAY!" She squealed, her eyes fluttering. Hawkpaw smirked and leaned back, flexing his paws.

"Yeah, I did do some time in the gym" He boasted. Sasha literally fell head over heels, stumbling the whole way towards his desk. Sasha leapt up on his desk and spread out one leg.

"OH STARCLAN! Please, for the love of your class! Keep it PG13 in here!" Crowpaw shouted, shielding his eyes from Sasha. A small smack was heard from Stormpaw's direction, possibly, from being smacked by Sandpaw or one of her friends. Sasha mumbled a few things and hopped off of Hawkpaw's desk, and started walking to the front of the classroom.

"Okay... I think for today, we'll start by reading Burning Roses, Silver Thorns" Sasha said. "Last year, you ALL should have read Every Rose Has Its Thorns. So now, we'll be reading the sequel"

A few moans scattered across the classroom, Thistleclaw even throwing his shredded book at the teacher. Sorrelpaw raised one paw. Sasha turned to see the she cat. "Yes, Sorrelpaw?" She asked in an obviously - not - so - innocent tone.

"Uhh... do we have to? Why can't we read Guardian of the Moon Tree or The Salvation Flame?" She asked. Crowpaw and Graypaw snickered a bit. "I mean, do we HAVE to read about to cats having a forbidden love when we could be reading about some cat named Fireheart trying to stop a randomly named cat, Tigerstar, from taking over Thunderclan and joining up with another randomly named cat, Scourge, when another cat named Sandstorm dies?"

Sasha's jaw dropped.

"Or we could be reading about some cat making a promise and the Moon Tree?" She asked again. Sasha's golden, tabby paws scuffled against the class floor a bit nervously.

"Uhh... the lesson plan says we have to learn... why medicine cats should never take a mate, no matter handsome they may be or no matter how many times you get raped by a cat named Flamesoul. And besides, we'll be reading those two later in the year, next week, we'll be reading Silverfang, so quit complaing" sasha ordered.

The classroom quieted down a hair. "Now open up your books to page 284" She said, taking out her own book. Needless to say, all the reading books were quite long, exceeding over 10,000 pages in length because of the really long stories that were kept in them. Crowpaw bordily flipped through his book, looking at the cover of the book which was the school.

"Cursed place..." He heard Thistleclaw mutter from the back of the class.

Crowpaw kept flipping through the book when he arrived at said page. In bright, forest - green letters it said ' Burning Roses, Silver Thorns', written by T. Roxie .I and illustrated by somebody named Tainted Shadow Watcher. The cover of the book showed a ginger she cat sitting on her haunches, staring coldly at a gray tom, her green eyes showing tension.

In the back of the she cat, it showed a flame colored tom leaping in the tall grass to meet up with her. Crowpaw yawned. Why did he always get stuck with the boring or semi - retarded teachers? Sasha's voice was what stirred him from his thoughts. "Class, I want you to all flip through the first few pages to get an idea of what it's about" She said.

Crowpaw nodded towards her and obliged. He used his paw and turned the page to see a picture of Thorntail talking a she cat, Crowpaw guessed it was Rosethorn or some other cat. He cast a glance to see Graypaw yawning and flipping to the end of the book, whilst muttering things about some cat named Flamesoul needing to die already and quit raping Rosethorn.

Crowpaw stayed there, flipping through some more pages before he started to read, it was his golden tabby, teacher's voice that stirred him from his train of thoughts. "Now, who would like to read first?" She asked.

The class all shifted glances around with each other. "Don't make me call names, but not Hawkpaw" She said with a wink to the ice blue eyes, tabby pelted apprentice. The class still didn't do anything. "Fine, Thistleclaw, since you just LOVE sixth grade, you read" Thistleclaw growled to himself and started to read.

In a sneery - ish voice, he started: "The dark, ginger-coated tom curled his tail in delight, as he rested his cruel and malicious eyes on her. "It's okay, Rosethorn. I won't hurt you," he purred, his voice so smooth and sweet – like honey- and Rosethorn almost gagged as she backed away from the big, broad-shouldered tom. Well that's stupid... I bet my muscles are bigger than his" Thistleclaw sneered.

"You wish" Hawkpaw retorted. Thistleclaw glared at him."Whatever" Hawkpaw sneered.

"I'm skipping that crap" Thistleclaw growled and scanned down the page a bit more. "The kit fell to the earth – and it amazed Rosethorn that even though Spottedlight was going through another spasm of pain for another kit, she somehow was able to use her tail to urge the young kitten towards her, and then was able to lick the kit until it began to breathe. Once it had air in its lungs, it instantly began to mewl for milk. What kind of kit falls to Earth?" Thistleclaw asked.

"By now, I would think you would know this story from heart since you obviously fail every year..." Sasha muttered.

Crowpaw snorted and nudged Graypaw in the side. His gray furred friend turned to him. "What?" Graypaw asked, the long, solid, gray stripe down his back moving along with his spine everytime he would move.

"Thistleclaw isn't really that smart is he?" Crowpaw asked. Graypaw shrugged and raised his paw. Sasha turned and looked at him, and pointed for him to speak.

"Does it hurt having kits? I mean you're having something the size of Tigerstar's head being shoved through your va--" Graypaw instantly found himself tackled to the ground by Crowpaw, Sasha and the rest of the class laughing at the gray furred apprentice. "Wropawt, pweaz wet ofp of meep" Graypaw rasped, beneath Crowpaw's weight and through his fur.

"oops... sorry buddy" Crowpaw apologized, stepping off his friend. Graypaw got back to his paws, rasping out a few curses, most directed towards: Hawkpaw, Sasha, and Crowpaw. Crowpaw leaned a bit closer to his friend when Graypaw returned to his seat. "They still haven't noticed Ravenpaw's gone yet" Graypaw's only reply was a small shrug.

"Graypaw! Crowpaw! I want you two to return to your seats, gather your stuff. I'm moving you two. I want... Hazelpaw to switch with Graypaw and Crowpaw, you stay there" Sasha ordered. A few of the class all turned to see a gray and white she cat enter the classroom with a cream colored tom behind her and another tom, another gray and white furred tom.

Behind them entered a silver she cat, Bluestar, the school principal. "Hello Mrs. Sasha. Mrs. Daisy has decided to move her three kids, Berrypaw, Mousepaw, and Hazelpaw to Warrior High. Class, welcome them" Bluestar explained, her silver fur a bit matted.

Heh, probably a rough night with Oakheart... Crowpaw snickered in his thoughts.

Sasha's golden tabby pelt strode across the class and introduced herself to the three and directed them where to sit. "Hazelpaw, as I said before, behind Crowpaw. Mousepaw, behind Graypaw, and Berrypaw, you can go sit behind Stormpaw" She informed to the three, pointing out their new seats.

"Sasha, can you step outside for a moment?" Bluestar asked, her eyes not leaving Crowpaw.

"Sure" Sasha replied and the two she cats stepped outside in the hall.

As soon as their teacher walked out the class, all the students turned around to speak to their friends or talk to the three new kids. Graypaw turned in his desk to talk to Mousepaw. "Hey... you must be Mousepaw? Right?" He inquired. The apprentice instead gave Graypaw a dreamy sigh.

"So, Graypaw, have you ever mated with another tom?" Mousepaw asked. Crowpaw thought he saw the few brain cells Graypaw had disappear. The apprentice slowly turned around in his chair, mouthing an 'o - kay' to Crowpaw. He only chuckled instead, now Owlpaw and his friends would have another gay with them.

Crowpaw averted his gaze to Berrypaw, the cream furred tom. The tom was busil unpacking with a bored expression. No signs of weed or anything... perhaps he wouldn't be a second crackhead like Graypaw was. His expression changed when he saw Owlpaw and company staring at him, except Twig's eyes would sopmetimes travel down to certain spots.

Berrypaw shot them a warning glance, holding up a sharpened pencil for threatening.

Crowpaw then looked behind him, Hazelpaw. The she - cats eyes stared at his crystal blue ones, her head turned to the side curiously as if she couldn't figure what Crowpaw was. "Umm... hello?" Crowpaw asked a bit skeptically. Hazelpaw brightened up.

"Lyk OMG! HE LYK TALKD 2 ME!" She squealed.

Chatspeak much? He asked his inner Crowpaw.

"Erm, yes, I did say hi" He searched through his vocabulary, wondering what he could say.

"OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! A t0m lyk, talkd, 2 lyk, MEH! IN A LYK, KEWL VOICE! omg! OMG! OMG!" She squealed again. Like Graypaw, Crowpaw turned around slowly. So now, Hazelpaw, Berrypaw, and Mousepaw were:

Berrypaw seemed sane enough.

Mousepaw was gay.

And Hazelpaw used and talked in too much chatspeak.

"Wonderful, just wonderful" He told himself bitterly.

The sound of the door closing alerted the class as Sasha walked back in. "Back to the story!" She demanded, and the class all groaned and opened up their text books.

Crowpaw and Graypaw stood next to each other at their lockers. With a content sigh, Crowpaw slammed his locker shut. Below his locker, Hazelpaw was testing out her lock.

"Ha, Crowpaw! You got a chat speaker below you!" Graypaw taunted his friend. Crowpaw shot him a glare and looked down at the patchy, gray and white fur of Hazelpaw's head fur.

"Oh shut up, at least I don't have Mousepaw flirting with me" Crowpaw shot back. Graypaw frowned and dismissed it with a shrug before turning around when he started to hear murmurmings in low voices. Crowpaw turned too, only to see three cats walking down the hallways with multiple piercings, black and white fur - up on and razors of varied sizes hanging from their belts.

The goths. Emos. Emotionals. Razor Bearers. Heavy metal listeners. Firepaw's seemingly distant cousins and kin. But, mostly known as: THE GOTHS. Inevitably, it actually stood for: 'Get Off The Heroin, meathead' The goths consisted of: Ashpaw, Brightpaw, and Jaypaw.

Surprisngly, Firepaw used to be with them until he got a top quality razor and never told them where he bought it. Yes, they do have problems. So of course, young Firepaw decided to go join Graypaw, Cinderpaw, Sorrelpaw, Ravenpaw, and newly new friend, Crowpaw.

"Erm, Crowpaw? Come on, we have to get to P.E." Sorrelpaw interupted his thoughts by waving a tortoiseshell furred paw in front of his face. behind her, Cinderpaw, Firepaw, and Graypaw all stood waiting.

"Ravenpaw still didn't come?" Crowpaw asked. Sorrelpaw nodded her head in 'no' fashion. "Oh well" Crowpaw shrugged. With a sigh from Firepaw, the friends all started their trek to the gym where Tigerstar awaited them.

Tigerstar scanned up an down his roll list and set it down. "Well, seeing as everybody's here, I think I can say that today, we will be learning about drug dealing. So I have brought Stonefur of seventh grade here to teach you all how to get marijuana, crack, coke, and weed at a fair price without getting ripped off" Tigerstar explained.

All the nerds, preps, and health freaks looked a little concerned, especially Owlpaw, he being a health freak along with Shortwhisker.

Entering through the gym was the familiar gray - silver pelt of Stonefur, the seventh grader holding weed and crack in one paw and in the other, a book on how to drug deal and get the results you wanted from the 'beginning'. His eyes were blood shot and he staggered with every step he took, slurring a bit when he thanked Tigerstar.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEElcomeeeeee" He said a little druggedly. (Is that even a word?)

"Hello Stonerfur" All the crackheads in the class said in unison, Graypaw being among them. Owlpaw looked horrified.

"HELLO!" He said in a high/ hyper tone that could put Cinderpaw and Snowfur in the run for their money. Tigerstar walked calmly over to Stonefur and whisper something in his ear. the tom instantly regained his 'senses' and started acting normal, looking at Tigerstar every now and then. "Ah hem, as I will now go on. Remember apprentices, ALWAYS. SMOKE. CRACK. You will probably find it will be the best thing you will ever do" he started with. Sorrelpaw raised her paw. "Yes?" he asked camly.

"Erm, I thought crack was bad for you?" She asked. Stonefur started to shake his head.

"Well, whoever said that must be off their meds. CRACK IS WONDERFUL! Ask my client, Graypaw!" Stonefur exclaimed.

"Whatever" Sorrelpaw sighed.

"Anyway, as I was saying. When buying crack, weed, marijuana, or anything like that, ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS, ask to try it our first to see just how great it is"

"I don't think that teaching us about this is going to help in anyway during the course of our life" Crowpaw said. Stonefur and Tigerstar both smacked thewir heads.

"This is going to be a long discussion on why crack is good for you" Tigerstar mumbled. Crowpaw and Sorrelpaw both snorted in disbelief of his words.

"Whatever you say" Sorrelpaw muttered.

So of course, Stonefur went on for some time, talking about crack and other drugs when a door slammed. It alerted Tigerstar, Stonefur, and the rest of class. They all whipped around to see Bluestar enter the gym.

"TIGERSTAR!" She yowled.

"Oh shit..." He muttered and stalked off to her, in a sulkily fashion. Stonefur scampered off for the exit.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" She yowled.

Tigerstar blinked his eyelashes and looked at her innocently. "Nothing, my wumpy, tumpy too" He flirted.

"How many times do I have to tell you, I'M MARRIED" She growled, showing her wedding ring from Oakhearts to give Tigerstar proof, he had been forgetting lately that he was married to Goldenflower, then divorced her and married Sasha, only to divorce her and now was trying to get a date with Dappletail or Brindleface, who were also married.

"But--"

Bluestar raised her paw in irritance. "No buts! I want you to ask Clovertail to teach them about why they SHOULDN'T do drugs for their elective. And I mean it!" She snarled.

Tigerstar lowered his head and sulked off.


	5. Chapter 5

Crowpaw silently hummed to himself as he walked down the corridors...er... hallway to get to his fourth block class. On each side of him, Sorrelpaw, Graypaw, and Cinderpaw walked beside him. Cinderpaw was running up and down the halls, screaming at the top of her kitty lungs while Graypaw was aiming a well - sharpened pencil at her.

"Maybe if I hit her hard enough... maybe she'll die of lead poisoning! OH! I"M SO GOOD!" Graypaw cheered to himself and started doign the moon walk up and down the hall.

"He's never going to get anywhere in life is he?" Crowpaw asked Sorrelpaw. The tortoieshell she - cat nodded her head. "Thought so" Crowpaw added.

When Graypaw and Cinderpaw decided to stop being retarded dumbasses from Hellclan and join their friends, which was five minutes later, they arrived in the hall that led to Snowfur's classroom. The she cat stood by her door, holding it open with one paw, and welcomed the students in with a short, hyper, 'welcome' as greeting.

Crowpaw and said friends all found their respective seats along with the rest of the class. "HELLO STUDENTS AND WELCOME BACK TO MY CLASS! SORRELPAW! SINCE YOU ARE ONE OF MY GRAND DAUGHTERS, WILL YOU PLEASE SKIP THIS CLASS FOR GRANNY?" Snowfur yowled, still in her usual hyper mood.

Crowpaw raised his paw.

"YES CROWPAW?" She yowled again.

"Mrs. Snowfur, o mother of Whitestorm, daughter of Moonflower, sister of Bluestar, aunt of Mistyfoot, Mosskit, and Stonefur, and great aunt to Mistyfoot's some how unrandomly not named kits, and grand mother of Sorrelpaw, Rainpaw, Fernpaw, Ashpaw, and Sootpaw and great grandmother of Poppypaw, the reincarnated Cinderpaw and , Molepaw, Poppypaw, Honeypaw, great grandmother to Spiderleg, Shrewpaw, Birchfall, Foxkit, Icekit, Hollykit, Larchkit can we go to our next class?"

"How does he always know my weakness..." Snowfur muttered. Crowpaw and the rest of the class all shrugged and got up and left, except for the nerds.

Crowpaw once again slung his duffle bag over his back, books and everything inside, and started to walk on to lunch to get there early.

--

Crowpaw poked at his food with his fork. They called this roast beef? To him, it looked more like a steak on steroids. "Erm... Sorrelpaw, are you sure they're not trying to poison us?" He asked a little skeptically.

"I'm absolutely positive Crowpaw. All we have to worry about is-- too late" Sorrelpaw started to say until the friends all turned their heads to see Mousepaw walking towards their table. "Starclan damnit!" She cursed, which was surprisingly weird because ever since elementary, Firepaw, Cinderpaw, Graypaw, and Ravenpaw had never heard the she - cat curse.

Not.

One.

Time.

That was even if the word 'damnit' could be considered a curse.

"Hey! Can I sit by you!" Mousepaw asked cherrily, staring at Firepaw like he was a sardine in a seagull pen. Firepaw and Crowpaw were about to nod in 'no' fashion before Mousepaw spoke again. "Thanks guys!" He added.

When Graypaw came to sit, he thought that he would die from Mousepaw's endless chattering. All the apprentice did was talk about his relationship with other toms and how much he thought she - cats were sick. Particulary, he seemed to be attracted to Firepaw and would shy away from Sorrelpaw and Cinderpaw everytime they tried to talk to him.

"--So this one time! I made out with another apprentice named Coyotepaw! And I mean, he had the most beautifulest gray fur with black striped and a white muzzle! But my father, Smoky, said that if I was going to be in a relationship with another tom, I would have to move schools because me and Coyotepaw were always making out!" He said hyperly.

Graypaw coughed and snorted "Loser" Under his breath. Sorrelpaw shot him a dirty look.

"Wow... please enlighten us with your stories..." Crowpaw said borridly, twirling his sushi with a fork in his right paw. He had to admit, even the food could probably tell a better story than Mousepaw could. He could just imagine it:

--

" Salmon the sushi opened his door. "Sweetie! I'm home!" He called out, his fishy scent filling up the house's broiler. Running down the stairs came his two kids, Trout and Flounder, followed by his wife, Tuna who was holding their month old baby, Squid and Squid's twin brother, Catfish.

"Oh hello Salmon, your sister, Jellyfish, said she's coming with your neice, Koi. I think they said that your other fifty something brothers and sisters might be coming too. I definately know that Goldfish, Pihrana, Guppy, and Clownfish are coming. So how was work today?"

Salmom looked down at his steamed fins. "Just the same, one of my workers fell into the seaweed again... it took five hermit crabs to pull him out. And then one hundred thousand, twenty six of my other workers at caught in a fishing net"

"oh... hey dad! We're going play near the harbor!" Trout proclaimed loudly.

"Well, there go the last twenty eight of our used - to - be -eggs"

--

By the time Crowpaw snapped out of his thoughts, Mousepaw was telling another story. "Hey guys! Guess what? Do you need a boyfriend? Cause I think I can hook you up with some pret - ty decent toms. Let's see... I know Wolfpaw, Dingopaw, Crabpaw, Mountainpaw, Inkpaw, Oddpaw... oh! And I think that Soappaw would be just perfect for you, Graypaw!" Mousepaw exclaimed.

"I can't wait to meet him..." Graypaw sighed. Crowpaw stifled a chuckle and watched Graypaw load some corn on his fork and flick it across the cafeteria where it nailed Tawnypaw in the head. "oops" He laughed and quickly ducked down when the tortoiseshell whipped around, glaring and spitting curses.

Of course Graypaw never noticed Ashpaw, Brightpaw, and Jaypaw all pointing to him, the blind gray tom actually pointing at Leafpaw which resulted in Leafpaw getting beamed by carrots and sporks.

"So! As I was saying! Guess what? Guess who's sharing my dorm with me? Can you guess? Can ya, can ya, can ya!?" Mousepaw squealed in delight. This time Crowpaw had his chance to roll his eyes.

"Who?"

"I got, I got, I got... I don't know" Mousepaw frowned.

"Let me see your paper then" Graypaw sighed. Mousepaw turned and started to dig around in his pockets until he presented Graypaw and Crowpaw with his scedhule.

"Here" He shrugged. Crowpaw snatched the list out of Graypaw's paws and looked at it.

"You got Onewhisker and Rainfur" Crowpaw gulped. Mousepaw should feel just FINE with them too. He didn't even want to know how they would initiate him into the group, after all, the seventh graders were pretty odd about how they did stuff like that. And it was those particular events that brings our young little sixth grader's mind thinking about the students at Warrior High, back into his thoughts and out of the cafeteria.

Inside Crowpaw's thoughts:

Stormpaw. Smoky gray tom, captain of the Mouse ball team, the Warrior High Wolves, boyfriend of Sandpaw and is roomate with Foxpaw and Bramblepaw, his two best friends besides Thornpaw, Lionpaw, Cloudpaw, Breezepaw, and Brackenpaw. Most of us think that he'll be voted in high school, most likely to succeed and get all the she - cats. Others think that he'll just waste away his high school years ending up like Stonefur and Graypaw. Featherpaw's brother.

Sandpaw. Ginger she - cat and daughter of Redtail. Sandpaw Red. Being daughter of the vice principal does has it's advantages for her... like how she can get away with grooming in class... skipping class, getting out of hard or long projects and never getting SAC, Detention, ISSP, and other things. Also girlfriend to Stormpaw. Isn't she lucky?

Graypaw. Smoky gray, long furred tom. One long, dark gray stripe running down his back and loves crack. I think Sorrelpaw was telling me yesterday it was something about the way Patchpelt brought him up. I still say that his foster father, Thunderstar, wasn't strict at all. Okay, he's my best friend. Also a crackhead. But I guess he can still be sane at times. Sometimes at least... I wonder if that stash under his bed ran out yet...

Scourge. Black seventh grader who always wears what he calls' pimpage', not blingae. I guess he thinks that knmockign dogs out with your fists is the best way to get their teeth. And he is dating Spottedleaf. I guess he thinks that being top bully makes him cool oor something. I guess he also thinks that hanging out with Hawkpaw, Longtail, Dustpaw, Jaggedtooth, and Darkstripe makes him able to get what he wants from the nerds.

Longtail. Some stupid tabby tom who lives right down the hall from me, Graypaw, and Ravenpaw's dorm. I often hear she - cats yowling from his room. Do I really want to know? Oooooh... me and Graypaw might go blackmail him one day. Anyway, he's like... Scourge's right hand tom or something. I do not understand seventh graders. Why must they be like that?

Spottedleaf. My Starclan! Tortoiseshell she - cat with long fur and the biggest prep you will EVER meet, I swear, anyway, she's Sandpaw's idol. I mean, how does 'OMG! Only Spottedleaf can where STRIPES and POKA DOTS at the same time and still get all the toms!" sound like? -cough- problems -cough-

Ravenpaw. Black tom, white tipped tail. I really have no clue why he thinks the world is going to end everytime: The microwave dings, Firepaw drops something, the bell rings, paperballs hit the teacher, corn gets flicked in his eye, everytime Bluestar starts the morning announcements, and a lot of other stuff, or like whenever Graypaw took out a paintball gun he found underneath his bed and started shooting us randomly.

Sorrelpaw. Tortoieshell she - cat and forest green eyes. Probably my only sane friend. I don't understand why she always tries to comfort Ravenpaw whenever he goes into another one of his 'the world is going ot end' fases. It always gets back to normal in the next few minutes but hey, that's Sorrelpaw for you.

Mousepaw. Gray and white tom. Who the floosie does he think he is? I mean, Starclan, he's gay! And why won't he ever leave us alone? I think he has thing 'thing' for Firepaw. Maybe I should tell Mr. Emo to watch Mousepaw carefully. But, maybe being roomates with Rainfur and Onewhisker will get him to leave us alone... for now at least. Not too sure about the future either but for now, I'll just blame it on his father, Smoky, and mother, Daisy. They ARE his parents after all...

Hazelpaw. Oh Starclan, somebody please take away her computer or the internet. Does she know what 'self control' is? Obviously not, I mean how am I supposed to know what 'OMG! Lolz u r lyk zo HAWT! Even mor than mah bro!', I'm not a chatspeak translator nor sha'll I ever be one. How do Mousepaw and Berrypaw put up with her? At least I don't have to share a dorm with her...

Yellowpaw. Stupid, ugly, disgusting, inexplainable, fatass, dumbass, retard, fucktard, dumbtard, stupid load of lard who doesn't know what personal hygiene is and needs to learn the simple fact of life that toms DO NOT fall for her nor sha'll they ever because she is some stupid, ugly gray she - cat with the dullest yellow eyes I have ever seen. I do not know how I was ever able to approach her on my first day, thank Starclan Graypaw saved me from her horrific looks and told me to never, ever approach her skinny ass, bag of bones ever again. I now ask myself, on the second day os school, how I have gotten to realize just what she IS? I mean come on, she looks like some homosexual freak who could probably make Mousepaw look straight in the eyes of Sandpaw which is so hard to do I'm not even going to think about it. Bad thoughts may occur... Okay, so in high school she'll probably be voted all of the following: Most likely to not succeed, work at McMouser's, live in a trash can in a an alley way, eat garbage scarped off of Stormpaw or Spottedleaf's plates, or my personal favorite, to get shot from trying to get accepted into Silverpelt Idol or trying to get on Mrs. Starclan and actually win. Oh Starclan I think I can stop ranting about the hideous of this beast that is known as Yellowpaw. Why? WHY must Starclan not bless her with good looks that even Shortwhisker or Rainfur probably have. WHy not make her be the snobby, vain little Ivypaw who is like Sandpaw's body guard or something except she won't even touch Yellowpaw's fur because everybody knows that Yellowpaw probably has some horrible desease like a flesh eating virus or something that would devour you in seconds as if you were an exact copy of Spottedleaf except more beautiful and times fifty - seven and about point dot eight billion and one. I think she'll be lucky if she even gets a boyfriend for Starclan's sake! The only tom or toms who would probably be attracted to her would either be Harepaw, Kestrelpaw, Littlecloud, Runningnose, or maybe become a bisexual and end up joining the rejects like Mousepaw, Heatherpaw, Onewhisker, Twig, Rainfur, and Willowpaw, or she could always go health freak like Shortwhisker and Owlpaw. I don't understand health freaks at all. They're too... health freakish if you get my drift. Wait, back to ruining Yellowpaw's reputation in my head. Come on, I mean who were her parents? Oh yeah, that's true, she's Yellowpaw River, daughter of stupid Riverclan leader Riverstar who dies like Starclan knows how many years ago but we're not even sure if he IS her REAL father because contrary to popular belief, we have no idea if her mom or dad is a hermaphrodite... but then again, if I went go ask her, she probably would have no clue what a hermaphrodite is... just like Eric Cartman's mom off of South Park which is 'lyk teh most awezomest show eva!' As Hazelpaw would say... I still say Hazelpaw has problems... hang on, is that the lunch bell? Wow, guess I spent more time thinking about some ugly - as - Deathclan gray she - cat than what I thought... so I think now I sha'll go off to lunch recess and go mingle with the students who I hadn't been able to meet earlier on my first day because of random reasons and plus the authoress is now wondering why she has typed this entire paragraph without spacing... maybe she just wanted to make everything look long and actually see who would take the time to read. Author note: If you read this, let me know and I'll feature your story or something in the next chapter, if you review at least, okay? I'll only do the first three people though...

End of Crowpaw's excessive line of thoughts that drug on forever until the lunch bell rang and they all walked outside for lunch recess...

--

"Who's that?" Crowpaw asked, prodding Sorrelpaw in the side with a claw. The she - cat snapped out of her thoughts and turned to look at him. "Hello? Sorrelpaw?" He inquired again.

"Wha?" She asked dazed. Then she snapped out of it. "Oh, what Crowpaw?" She asked in her usual voice. Crowpaw felt like slapping the nearest cat which happened to be a meanedering Leafpaw. He raised a paw and smacked the tabby she - cat dead across the face, causing Leafpaw to jump backwards, land on her back, and have all her books go flying in the air and have one of them smack Scourge and Darkstripe.

"Let's go" Cinderpaw butted in by grabbing both of her friend's by their scruffs and leaving Leafpaw to get beat up, even if she was a nerd.

Cinderpaw led the friends a few feet to a fence where Graypaw and Firepaw were, talking about the color black. Not to mention it was Firepaw who brought up the conversation anyway but I figured you could guess that. "Now who were you talking about?" Sorrelpaw asked once again.

"Him, that tabby tom over there" Crowpaw pointed out with a claw.

"That's just Longtail, he's a bully with Scourge and the others. His dorm is down the hall from ours... I know I wasn't the only one who heard those yowls last night..." She grumbled, thinking of what Longtail,a nd his two roomates, Darkstripe and Scourge were doing to Spottedleaf, Echosong, and Frostfur last night.

"Bad thoughts..." Firepaw said in his emo voice.

"Ya know, I agree with Mr. Emo this time" Cinderpaw interrupted. The gray apprentice was currently watch Leafpaw being held to the wall with a fist raised in front of her, being threatened for her homework. "I wonder if they know that they're in seventh grade and that we're in sixth grade"

"They don't know that. They're all dumbasses, what would you expect from them?" Graypaw asked. "Now I don't know about you all, but I'm going to my locker before Ch6t Sp33k3r gets their before me" Graypaw added but stopped when he saw the weird glances he was receiving from Crowpaw and Cinderpaw. "What?"

"Uhh... Graypaw, I have no idea what 'Ch six t space sp three three kay three rrrrr' means" Crowpaw said.

"Chatspeak you hooker!"

(A/N: The whole hooker thing is this huuuuuuuuuuuge inside joke that me and some of my friends made up at school... don't ask about it)

--

Petalnose looked over her clipboard and surveyed her class. Crowpaw sat next to Graypaw, Sorrelpaw, and Cinderpaw, not to mention that Ravenpaw was supposed to be in this class with him and Firepaw decided to skip class to go slit his wrist in the bathroom down the hall.

"Everybody's here" Petalnose said aloud. To the students of Warrior High, she was probably the only sane teacher around the school. Nightcloud, Snowfur, and Tigerstar were way out of the question.

"It would appear so" Thistleclaw remarked. Petalnose's eyes scanned over to where the tom sat, where she promptly narrowed her eyes at him.

"Thank you for that remark Thistleclaw. Now for the rest of the class, I want each and every one of you to define all the physical properties of each element on the Periodic Table of Elements" Petalnose announced.

A loud groan echosed throughout the entire class where multiple paper balls were thrown at petalnose. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all don't like this class but live with it" She replied with a smirk. Sorrelpaw raised her paw. "Yes Sorrelpaw?" She asked sweetly again.

"Umm, aren't you supposed to teach it to us first before ordering us to do it?" She asked. Petalnose raised a paw to her fur between her ears and scartched it.

"That's right. I'm SUPPOSED to teach it to you. But I don't want too. So there, educate yourselves!" She yowled and slammed three text books on the desks, causing all the sleeping personel, said personnel being Stormpaw, Foxpaw, Thornpaw, Hawkpaw, Dustpaw, and Thistleclaw who fell asleep amazingly fast.

"Starclan, you don't have to be such a bitch about it..." Dustpaw remarked, rubbin his eyes open and twitching his whiskers in annoyance.

"Live with it" Petalnose replied, this time with a playful grin which Thistleclaw promptly threw a pencil at to wipe it off. "Thistleclaw, to the office NOW!" She yowled. The tom muttered something about monkeys coming to kill her and then stalked out of the classroom. :Now class, please get on with your work" This time, Graypaw raised a paw. "Yes?"

"I can't do this work" He replied smugly.

"And why not?" She questioned.

"Because, I'm Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia " He said, trying to put on a sad look which wasn't really sad at all. It looked more like a donkey on steroids trying to fo the disco in a bikini on a Saturday night with Sandpaw with a parrot on his should humming the United States national anthem in a pink tuxedo with a wine stain on it in the shape of Houston, Texas.

"Mr. Patch, I highly doubt you are Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia" Petalnose sighed. As soon as she turned around Graypaw and Crowpaw high fived each other, only when they realized she was buzzing the office. Crowpaw, thinking fast blurted out:

"But I'm Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia too!" Petalnose turned around and promptly repeatedly pulled on the office buzzer thing. "And I have a lot more fears too!" This time, his teacher was interested.

"Like what?" She asked innocently in a not so innocent voice.

"Well... can I go visit Whitestorm about this, me and Graypaw?" He asked. Petalnose shrugged and pointed to the door.

--

"So, Mr. Patch, please start by telling me some of your phobias, and why you are afraid of them" Whitestorm started. Crowpaw was stretched out on a couch and was watching his friend act dramatical.

"Well, for one, Ablutophobia" Graypaw said and then started to get shaky. "The fear of taking of taking baths. It all started whenever I was Crowkit. Ashfoot forced me to take a bath. She tried to drown me! Everytime I would come up for air, would dunk, me again until she had to get my foster father, Tornear to tie cinderblocks around my paws to keep me down. I have been terrified ever since..." he then started to stare off into space.

"Mmm hm. Please continue" Whitestorm replied. Graypaw took in a large gulp and swallowed.

"Then, I'm also Agrizoophobia. I am deathly afraid of wild animals" Graypaw shuddered and winked at Crowpaw whenever Whitestorm turned back around.

"But aren't you a wild animal yourself?" He inquired.

"I know!" Grayexclaimed and then proceeded to cry unstoppably until he was handed a kleenex box. " I am also Ailurophobia, Elurophobia, Felinophobia, Galeophobia, Gatophobia, because I am afraid of cats so badly" Now this really confused Whitestorm, Crowpaw could tell by the look on the white tom's face. Instead, he mouthed an 'okay...'.

"What else?"

"Allodoxaphobia, I cannot tell you how scared I am of hearing others opinions" Crowpaw walked up to his friend and tried to comfort him, to go along with the scene. "I mean, have you ever heard that some people... want to ban abortion and others want to keep it!? I can't watch TV now..."

"One of my biggest fears is Antidaeophobia" Crowpaw told his friend. Graypaw looked up at him with red eyes.

"You... you mean it? You're afraid of ducks too?" Crowpaw nodded his head. "Hug!" And then the two proceeded to madly hug each other in a friendly way, not loveish all you pervs out there!

"Well Crowpaw, you know what I fear? I am chorlorphobia. I am afraid of the color green. That is why I have never been able to touch the walls in the cafe at the dorms. And then, I'm also Judeophobia" He then started to whimper. But this time, Whitestorm joined in.

"Really? Because... I'm also afraid of Jews..." Whitestorm mumbled. "Group hug!" He yowled, but instead, watched Crowpaw and Graypaw silently slip out of his room with ease, the two snickering the whole way. "Why do they always abandon me?!" They heard Whitestorm cry out one last time.

--

"Well, we have the rest of the time to ourselves... now what?" Crowpaw asked. Graypaw put a paw to his forhead and tapped it.

"Good question... wanna go smoke crack?" Graypaw asked. Crowpaw shurgged.

"Sure" He replied, wondering why he actuallu agreed.

And so, the two friends smoked crack and weed until it was time for history class with Sharpclaw.

--

"Welcome to history class. Today, we'll be learning about George Washington, the first president of the United States of America that I have no clue if that even exist but since the textbooks say it does then we sha'll talk about it. Any questions?" Sharpclaw asked, looking around his classroom. Firepaw raised a paw.

"Who is. George. Washing. Ton?" He asked.

"George Washington... hang on, let me go pull something up on wikipedia because the authoress does not feel like going through all the trouble of looking all over the internet for George Washington. Here we go" Sharpclaw responded with. Crowpaw, Graypaw, and Firepaw all smacked their heads, Graypaw missing his head and hitting Ivypaw instead because his sense of direction was off because he was stoned.

"(February 22, 1732 – December 14, 1799 was a central, critical figure in the founding of the United States and is commonly considered the father of the American nation. He led America's Continental Army to victory over Britain in the American Revolutionary War (1775–1783), and in 1789 was elected the first President of the United States of America. He served two four-year terms from 1789 to 1797, winning reelection in 1792." Sharpclaw started and then surveyed the looks on his classes face.

"What is that supposed to mean? What's February and December?" Talonpaw inquired from his seat. Sharpclaw gave him a cold, hard stare and pulled up another article.

"George Washington was born on February 22, 1732 (February 11, 1731, O.S.),2 the first son of Augustine Washington and his second wife, Mary Ball Washington, on the family's Pope's Creek Estate near present-day Colonial Beach in Westmoreland County, Virginia.

In his youth, Washington worked as a surveyor of rural lands and acquired what would become invaluable knowledge of the terrain around his native state of Virginia. Washington embarked upon a career as a planter and in 1748 was invited to help survey Baron Fairfax's lands west of the Blue Ridge. " Sharpclaw added.

"What's Blue Ridge and Virginia?" Smokepaw decided to ask.

"Ask the authoress." Sharpclaw responded. "Now, we'll be talking about his early life so pay attention. You will all have homework tonigh so I suggest you ALL listen-- THAT MEANS YOU TOO GRAYPAW!" He yowled when he noticed the apprentice slipping Bramblepaw some marijuana.

"Electoral College elected Washington unanimously in 1789, and again in the 1792 election; he remains the only president to receive 100 of electoral votes. John Adams was elected vice president. Washington took the oath of office as the first President under the Constitution for the United States of America on April 30, 1789 at Federal Hall in New York City although, at first, he had not wanted the position."

"What?"

"The First U.S. Congress voted to pay Washington a salary of 25,000 a year—a large sum in 1789. Washington, already wealthy, declined the salary, since he valued his image as a selfless public servant. At the urging of Congress, however, he ultimately accepted the payment. A dangerous precedent could have been set otherwise, as the founding fathers wanted future presidents to come from a large pool of potential candidates - not just those citizens that could afford to do the work for free."

The class looked confused beyond belief.

"After fighting broke out in April 1775, Washington appeared at the Second Continental Congress in military uniform, signaling that he was prepared for war. Washington had the prestige, the military experience, the charisma and military bearing, the reputation of being a strong patriot, and he was supported by the South, especially Virginia. Although he did not explicitly seek the office of commander and even claimed that he was not equal to it, there was no serious competition. Congress created the Continental Army on June 14; the next day, on the nomination of John Adams of Massachusetts, it selected Washington as commander-in-chief. Washington assumed command of the American forces in Massachusetts in July 1775, during the ongoing siege of Boston. Realizing his army's desperate shortage of gunpowder, Washington asked for new sources. British arsenals were raided (including some in the West Indies) and some manufacturing was attempted; a barely adequate supply (about 2.5 million pounds) was obtained by the end of 1776, mostly from France. Washington reorganized the army during the long standoff, and forced the British to withdraw by putting artillery on Dorchester Heights overlooking the city. The British evacuated Boston and Washington moved his army to New York City."

"Pfft, as if Graypaw could remember any of that..." Crowpaw joked, nudging Graypaw in the ribs.

"Hey!"

"After retiring from the presidency in March 1797, Washington returned to Mount Vernon with a profound sense of relief. He devoted much time to farming and, in that year, constructed a 2,250 square foot (75-by-30 feet, 200 m) distillery, which was one of the largest in the new republic, housing five copper stills, a boiler and 50 mash tubs, at the site of one of his unprofitable farms. At its peak, two years later, the distillery produced 11,000 gallons of corn and rye whiskey worth 7,500, and fruit brandy"

"Wha?" Firepaw inquired.

"On December 12, 1799, Washington spent several hours inspecting his farms on horseback, in snow and later hail and freezing rain. He sat down to dine that evening without changing his wet clothes. The next morning, he awoke with a bad cold, fever and a throat infection called quinsy that turned into acute laryngitis and pneumonia. Washington died on the evening of December 14, 1799, at his home aged 67, while attended by Dr. James Craik, one of his closest friends, and Tobias Lear, Washington's personal secretary. Lear would record the account in his journal, writing that Washington's last words were Tis well."

Crowpaw raised his paw and Sharpclaw called on him. "Sharpclaw, do YOU even know what any of that crap is?" He asked with a playful smirk, one he would much expect from Sasha or Nightcloud.

"No, but the lesson plan says I have to teach it so here it is. That's enough for today, now for homework. I want each and everyone of you to do a 10,000,000 chapter and each chapter having that amount of words, essay on who George Washington was, is, everything he ever said, everything he ever wore, and how many times he had unprotected--"

"We get it!" Squirrelpaw cried out. Crowpaw could opnly imagine what his teacher was going to say next, and he really didn't want to know...

"You have the rest of this period to work on it" He finished and let the class begin.

--

Crowpaw, Sorrelpaw, and Graypaw were all quietly humming to themselves, minding their own business when all of a sudden, A GIANT CAT EATING RABBIT JUMPED OUT OF THE LIGHTS! Just kidding, they were heading towards Clovertail's classroom, the teacher who really didn't give a crap about them.

As they passed by the floor that was being redone, they heard a loud crash which made them stop. "What was that?" Sorrelpaw inquired, turning her head to the side and looking at Graypaw expectantly.

"I dunno, let's go look" He replied.

"Ohhhhhhh no, we're not supposed to even walk on that floor, much less stampede over it!" She protested.

"Suit yourself" Crowpaw shrugged and gave a curt nod to Graypaw. "Sha'll we?"

"Yes, let's" And the two strode over onto the floor, where they were only met by a black cat with a white tipped tail, a bright pink, paint covered bucket over his head and multiple peathingy feathers outlining his lithe frame, claws making a horrible screeching sound against the newly waxed floor.

"Is that Ravenpaw!?" They heard Sorrelpaw yowl, jumping up and down in her spot.

"I think so" A passing Swiftpaw muttered.

Crowpaw turned his crystal blue eyes off the tabby apprentice and looked back at Graypaw, who was following in suit of Ravenpaw. "Good idea!" He shouted and did a leap in the air, sailing over a dropped shoe which smelled oddly of Yellowpaw, and started to skate around the waxed floor.

"Hey Crowpaw!" Ravenpaw yowled, zooming past him in less than two seconds. Crowpaw turned on heel and watched him, only to not pay attention and run into a randomly placed brick wall. Ravenpaw stopped when he heard the crash and skated over to him. "Hey, if you do that again, you would be just like Cinderpaw!"

"Shut up and help me get up" Crowpaw growled and heaved himself to his paws with a grunt of effort. "Now what? We're just going to skip class and skate around an area that the floor is currently being pollished and pray to Starclan that Clovertail or Bluestar just don't happen to meander by and see us?" He guessed.

"That's the plan actually" Graypaw shouted, skating past the two. Crowpaw sighed and joined them, it turned out, by the end of the class, they had over fifty students doing what they were doing, five of which ended up with broken bones, limbs, and in some cases, missing fur.

--

Crowpaw, Ravenpaw, and Graypaw all flopped backwards on their respective beds. The three both sat in silence for a few minutes, each staring at the ceiling fan whir away. "Okay, who's going to do the homework?" Ravenpaw said, breaking the silence. Then the silence reigned for about five more minutes.

"Let's go visit Kestrelpaw" Graypaw suggested, leaning up. Crowpaw and Ravenpaw looked at each other and shrugged. "Come on" He added when it was apparent his two friends weren't to sure of his idea.

"Okay"

And with that, they all padded off to Kestrelpaw, Harepaw, and Leafpaw's dorm, only to be met by Longtail and Darkstripe.

"What are you all doing here?" Darkstripe snarled. Graypaw flicked his ears and twitched his whiskers in annoyance. Of course they didn't feel like putting up with the local retards. "Well?" He urged.

"That doesn't concern you" Crowpaw retorted with a hiss.

"Grr" Darkstripe growled. Longtail's tabby fur appeared out of the dorm next to Harepaw and company, Cody and the other nerds where Cody ran out screaming:

"The British are coming The British are coming!" She yowled down the hall until a passing Smokepaw corrected her.

"Don't you mean Longtail?" Cody stopped in her tracks and nodded before running again.

"Longtail is coming! Longtail is coming!"

"Oi, this is going to be a loooooooooooooooong night. Hey, who wants to go get something to eat?" Ravenpaw asked, ignoring the glares he was currently receiving from Darkstripe and Longtail.

"...sure" And with that, the friends all walked off to go get food.


	6. Chapter 6

FRIDAY NIGHT: Bar Night

"So why are we going to wherever we are going?" Crowpaw asked Graypaw. The crackhead didn't even acknowledge him. "Don't answer me then!" Crowpaw whined.

"Crowpaw, listen, and shut up!" Graypaw growled and walked faster down the dorms.

Crowpaw sat in silence for 5 minutes.

And five more minutes...

And five more minutes...

And five more minutes...

And five more minutes...

And five more minutes...

And five more minutes...

And five more minutes...

And five more minutes...

And five more minutes...

And five more minutes...

And five more minutes...

And five more minutes...

And five more minutes...

Okay, it was actually thirty seconds but Alyson feels she can exagerrate a little bit here. Work with me! Anyway, it was when they reached the elevators that Crowpaw spoke agan. "What am I supposed to be listening for?" Graypaw smacked his forehead.

"And here I thought I would be able to go a minute... darnit!" Graypaw cursed, staring at the top of the elevator. The smoky gray furred tom looked back at Crowpaw when he found a black paw waving in front of him. "Oh! You said something?"

"Erm, nothing. Where are we going?" Crowpaw inquired.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeell, me, Ravenpaw, Firepaw, Sorrelpaw, and Cinderpaw all decided that you need to go down to the Warrior High bar! Even through it's mainly for high schoolers and stuff, they still will serve the sixth and seventh grade booze and all that! But... the thing is, to come, you have to bring a friend so I'm bringing Cinderpaw and you get Sorrelpaw!" He said cheerily.

"Uhh, did it ever occur to you that maybe Ravenpaw and Firepaw don't have anybody to go with?" Crowpaw asked with a sly smirk. Graypaw rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me..." Graypaw nodded his head. "GRAYPAW! THAT IS SICK IN EVERY WAY!" Crowpaw yowled.

"Hey! We ran out of females! And plus, the bar is only open on Friday nights and no elementary apprentices and kits can come! I've been waiting my whole life to go to one of these!' Graypaw exclaimed in a louder voice. Crowpaw swore that if this was an anime cartoon, he would have a sweat drop on his right temple by now.

"Can we just get going?" He asked.

"Er... right" Graypaw replied when the elevator stopped. "To the bar!" And with that, he struck a pose.

--

Crowpaw and Graypaw sat at a marble - tan colored table, Graypaw having his hindpaws propped up against the edge of the table. Beside them, Sorrelpaw and Cinderpaw sat in their red colored dresses, Firepaw and Ravenpaw sighing with relief that they didn't have to act gay anymore.

The waitresses all started going to the tables, most of them being Shadowstar, Windstar, Morningflower, and Goldenflower along with a few others. A loud noise alerted Crowpaw from his daze, the noise coming from the doors.

"Hey girls! Sandy's in the house!" Squirrelpaw and Whitepaw announced. The ginger she - cat and white she - cat both sidestepped as most toms without a date stared in awe. Sandpaw emerged in the room with Stormpaw at her side, his smoky gray fur shining and polished to perfection.

On each side of Sandpaw and Stormpaw, all of their friends started to lay out a red carpet and form a barricade around them. And it just so happened and that Crowpaw and his friends had the table closest to the stage.

"STORMY! THEY STOLE OUR TABLE!" Sandpaw whined in yowl - like fashion. Without thinking, Ivypaw and Tawnypaw raced over to Crowpaw and Graypaw.

Tawnypaw put a tortoiseshell furred paw on her hips and said: "Uhh, you are, like, like uglying up our table. Please move before we get Foxpaw and Bramblepaw to make you move" She smirked. Cinderpaw laughed.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, if you insist" Cinderpaw laughed and then inhaled. " I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS " I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS:" I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: EVERYBODY'S NERVES!"

But unfortuantely, Tawnypaw and Ivypaw couldn't take the sheer stupidity of the song and ran off, holding their ears and wiping off Cinderpaw's spit which had by now, accumulated on their 'pretty' fur.

"Come on girls! We'll go get the NEW best table!" Squirrelpaw insisted to Sandpaw.

"Thank you Squirrelpaw" Sandpaw replied, sending a death glare to Crowpaw and company. As soon as the ginger she - cat walked off, Crowpaw high - fived Cinderpaw.

"As much as I hate to say this, Cinderpaw, your loud mouth has actually helped us" Sorrelpaw sighed. "Now, I'm hungry and we have nothing to do until Fall Out Cat comes. Where's the waitress?" She asked, turnign around and looking around.

"Umm, Sorrelpaw, look behind you" Ravenpaw pointed out. Sorrelpaw turned around to see the shape of Morningflower standing over her with a notepad in her right paw, pen in the left.

"Hello, I'm Morningflower and I work at the bar every Friday. Would you like something to drink while we get everybody seated, Food will be served shortly" She greeted with a warm smile. Surprisingly, she IS straight and IS married to Deadfoot.

"Erm, I'll take a Diet Dr. Mouse Blood, water for Mr. Emo over there--" Cinderpaw decided to speak for her friends, pointing to Firepaw at said time.

"Yo" He only answered and went back to slitting his wrist. Morningflower nodded and started to scribble furiously down their orders.

"Let's see, I'll take a Thrush Wing. Easy on the vodka" Ravenpaw ordered.

"I'll take liquid crack" Graypaw told her. Morningflower turned her head to the side, giving Graypaw a questioningly glance. "Fine, regular Mouse Blood" He sighed.

"And I guess me and Sorrelpaw will simply settle for two Malted Voles, take out the alcohol" Crowpaw ordered for he and the tortoiseshell she - cat. Morningflower gave a short farewell and turned on heel to head towards the kitchen. "Okay, while we wait for Fall Out Cat, anybody want have any interesting news?"

"Good idea, I've been trying to get Minnowpaw to go out with me" Graypaw motioned to Minnowpaw with his tail.

The gray and white she - cat was steadily stirring her drink with a bored expression, her fur was fluffed up and shining in the lighting which would soon become dim when Fall Out Cat appeared. "Nah, Graypaw, you should try and date Sparrowpaw instead. Minnowpaw wouldn't even dream of you" Ravenpaw snickered.

"Hey, I can keep trying can't I?" Graypaw inquired with a short laugh. Crowpaw and Firepaw rolled their eyes. "By the way" He added, looking at Firepaw. "Ya know, Firepaw, you should dye your fur or something. That would look awesome on you" He suggested.

"Maybe. Later" He replied, casting a forlorn look at his razor which was being gripped in his paw tightly.

"So, while we wait, what you guys wanna order?" Ravenpaw interupted. Crowpaw looked down at his menu and grabbed it, hurridly scanning down the list. He traced the lines with one claw, reading each of the items until he stopped at one in particular.

"Here we go, BBQ Ribs, french fries, a baked potato, stuffed, potato salad with crawfish dipped in it, and a salad on the side. Any drink of choice. And it only cost 15 mouse tails" Crowpaw announced. "Sounds good to me" He added.

"Well I might go with a shrew burger" Ravenpaw explained. Crowpaw and Firepaw both shrugged their shoulders before Firepaw stuffed his head back into his menu.

"Chaffinch. Gumbo" Firepaw said.

"I think me and Cinderpaw might get a rabbit steak. What about you, Graypaw?" Sorrelpaw asked. Graypaw set his menu down and had a smug grin plastered across his face, paws crossed against his chest.

"I'm ordering a cow" He said slyly. Crowpaw, Ravenpaw, and Cinderpaw's jaws dropped.

"Did you just say you were ordering a COW?" Cinderpaw asked in disbelief.

"Yep, sure did. A whole cow for only 500 mouse tails."

"How much money do you parents have?" Sorrelpaw asked.

"Well, my dad, Patchpelt, is mayor of Thunderclan, my mother, Willowpelt, is a prostitue working for the Secret Service... she's always going off to random countries and making out with princes and kings... don't ask about my life. It's pretty messed up" Graypaw replied with a short sigh.

"Well I guess my life would be messed up too if I smoked crack all day" A passing Talonpaw snorted. Graypaw shot him a death glare.

"Pie, tis a wonderful thing"

"Well that was random... Sorrelpaw said to Cinderpaw.

"I know!" She said cheerily. "I got it from some fanfiction on fanfiction .net from some story called Welcome to Warrior High's reviews, a few authors named Rabbitstorm, Flamepelt's Wrath...and a few others actually. But I really have no idea how I know this" Cinderpaw smirled cheekily afterwards.

--

"This food taste awesome!" Graypaw announced loudly.

"Graypaw, we all know how much you like to eat, but that is the fifteenth time you have said that" Sorrelpaw reminded the smoke furred apprentice. Graypaw only laughed a little bit.

"But I must announce it dearest Sorrelpaw!" He chuckled. He only found a carrot coming at his eyes.

"THE WORLDS GOING TO END! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I DONT WANNA DIE! I DONT WANNA! I DONT WANNA! I DONT WANNNA! MOMMY HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PLEASE! THE CARRORTS ARE ATTACKING US!" Ravenpaw shrieked.

"Ravenpaw, calm down." Firepaw said. The flame colored apprentice looked ready to bash his head into the finely polished tables, all to vent out his frustration.

Ravenpaw was now inhaling a lot, sweat already starting to drip of his whiskers and tail tip. "Good Starclan, Ravenpaw, I would almost swear that your were about to go meet Scourge for a cup of sugar!" Sorrelpaw joked.

"It's not funny!" he growled. His claws were already flexing.

"Yes it is" Crowpaw taunted.

"No it isn't!" Ravenpaw shot back.

"Yes it is"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is"

"HEY LOOK! IT'S FALL OUT CAT!" Cinderpaw shrieked, nearly falling out her chair in fan girl - ness.

And it was true, appearing on stage, was Fall Out Cat, the band which consisted of Greenpool, Griffenflash, Phoenixflight, Flamefeather, and Hotsauce.

Of course, nobody knows how Hotsauce got his name, except for his girlfriend who is actually a bisexual. But that's a whooooooooole nother story there. (Hey! I'm from Louisiana! I can use words like nother on here!)

Crowpaw started clapping along with the rest of the crowd, mainly Ivypaw and Whitepaw who were fainting at the mere sight of Phoenixflight, the lead yowler. "Are you guys ready for tonight?" He announced in the microphone.

A loud yowl erupted from the crowd.

"I'll take that as a yes!" He added. "Now tonight, we will be performing, Thnks Fr Th Mmrs!" And with that, he stepped back and started to play Thnks Fr Th Mmrs.

Im gonna make it bend and break,  
They sent you to me without wings,  
Say a prayer, but let the good times roll,  
In case God doesn't show,  
Let the good times roll (Let the good times roll)  
And I want these words to make things right,  
But its the wrong's that make the words come to life,  
Who does he think he is?  
If that's the worst you've got,  
Better put your fingers back to the key.

One night and one more time,  
Thanks for the memories,  
Even though they weren't so great,  
He tastes like you, only sweeter,  
One night, yea, one more time,  
Thanks for the memories,  
Thanks for the memories,  
See, he tastes like you, only sweeter.  
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Been looking forward to the future,  
But my eyesight is going bad,  
And this crystal ball is,  
Always cloudy except for (except for),  
When you look into the past (look into the past),  
One night stand (One night stand, oh)

One night and one more time,  
Thanks for the memories,  
Even though they weren't so great,  
He tastes like you, only sweeter,  
One night, yea, one more time,  
Thanks for the memories,  
Thanks for the memories,  
See, he tastes like you, only sweeter.  
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

They say I only think,  
In the form of crunching numbers,  
In hotel rooms, collecting Page Six lovers,  
Get me out of my mind, and get you out of those clothes.  
Im a liner away from getting you into the mood.  
Woah-oh.

One night and one more time,  
Thanks for the memories,  
Even though they weren't so great,  
He tastes like you, only sweeter,  
One night, (Woah) Yea (Woah) one more time,  
Thanks for the memories,  
Thanks for the memories,  
See, he tastes like you, only sweeter.  
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

One more night,  
One more time,  
Thanks for the memories,  
Even though they weren't so great,  
He tastes like you, only sweeter,  
One (more) night, Yea one more time,  
Thanks for the memories,  
Thanks for the memories,  
See, he tastes like you, only sweeter.  
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

The crowd started to cheer.

"PHOENIXFLIGHT IS SO HOT!" Cinderpaw yowled. The band bowed and moved onto a calmer song to let the cats eat.

"Ya know, we should do this kind of thing more often" Ravenpaw suggested.

"All we have to do is come here every Friday. And notice Shortwhisker, Owlpaw, and their friends aren't here. Nor Kestrelpaw, Leafpaw, Harepaw, Cody, and their friends. I think it was something about that if you have a KNOWN history of being a nerd or a gay then they won't let you in"

"Well that's... helpful. Note to self, never change to be attracted to the opposit sex" Sorrelpaw joked.

"Fair. Point." Firepaw said in his cool emo voice. Ya know ya love it.

"So now what?" Crowpaw asked, flipping his tussle of fur out of his eyes.

"I say we PARTAY!" Cinderpaw screeched and dashed off to go dance with the nearest tom.

"So what should we do tommorrow?" Crowpaw asked. "It is Saturday after all"

Graypaw put a paw to his head and tapped it.

"Good question... maybe we should go swimming or something... or we could always go rig the bathrooms. I heard that's what Thistleclaw and Jaggedtooth did last year." Ravenpaw suggested. "Just a thought" He added thoughtfully in a thoughtful thinking thoughts thoughtfully-ish type way.

"Well, how come Thistleclaw gets his full name, shouldn't he still be Thistlepaw or something?" Crowpaw asked.

"Nope! After you've been in the sixth grade for five years or more, they give you the ending. I actually feel sorry for him, being stuck with the newest junior high kids every year. That must be boring" Graypaw snickered. "As for tommorrow, I say we go rig and vandalize the dorms and stuff"

"I'm down with that" Ravenpaw and Crowpaw agreed.

"Well you guys go do that, I'll stay back and laugh I disagree off whenever you both get caught" Sorrelpaw laughed. "Now, I am going to finish eating and then go find out if Cinderpaw has maimed or possibly done worse to Fall Out Cat"

"Well good, we'll be right here and start planning"

"Good, you just do that"

"We will"

Crowpaw hummed to himself.

--

Fall Out Cat had given up. After you have to listen to Cinderpaw say:

" I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT 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SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S 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NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: EVERYBODY'S NERVES!"

About 50,000 times, over and over, wouldn't you give up too?

So instead, Kitten Park decided to sing some of their songs after Fall Out Cat left. forget the fact that Cinderpaw tried to get all of the band members numbers the whole time, Ravenpaw repeating the world was going to end, Firepaw constantly slitting his wrist, and Sorrelpaw, Graypaw, and Crowpaw all sitting and eating, the night actually went well.

Inevitably, Harepaw snuck inside the bar and ended up with fifteen broken bones by the end of the night.

The poor thing.


	7. Chapter 7

Crowpaw stared at his sleepy, black fur in the mirror. Small ruffles poked up, trailing down his back to give him the appearance of a drunk, or otherwise very, VERY hungover dragon. In fact, if he hadn't drank so much alcohol the night before, he wouldn't have been in this position.

With an outstrectched paw, he closed the bathroom door silently, careful as to not disturb the sleeping bodies of Graypaw and Ravenpaw, and returned to the mirror. He let out a large, loud yawn which revealed his long, pointed fangs. "Wow, I'm tired..." He yawned.

His blue eyes turned and gave the shower a forlorn look. "A shower." He told himself. Crowpaw yawned again and walked over to the shower. He pulled back the aqua colored shower - curtain and turned on the faucets. Instantly, cold droplets of water ran through his paws, eventually warming up.

When the water had reached Crowpaw's desired temperature, he stepped in the shower. He quickly closed the curtain and turned to face the clear water. The water streamd throughout his fur, creating small pools of water at his hindpaws. He sighed in relief and reached out for the bar of Dial soap.

Crowpaw scrubbed the soap through his unruly fur rather harshly and vigrously. Occasionally, a few bubbles popped in his eyes and he would let out a short welp. It was when he had turned the water up more, and more steam started to come, was when it happened. One of the most disturbing moments he could think of.

As it was, Crowpaw was getting down to picking out fleas that leapt off of Phoenixflight that night, it was a well - known fact that the lead singer of the band was afraid of water and soap, when he got met by a rather disturbing cat. yes, as you might not know, it was that moment that a gray and white tom shut the door to the bathroom.

Crowpaw perked up his ears to listen and could hear voices. One of them was definately Ravenpaw, and the other was certainly Graypaw. Then who was it that had entered the bathroom?

The black furred apprentice strained his ears and caught what the voices were saying. "Ya know, I think Crowpaw is in there." That was Ravenpaw's distinct voice.

"So? He gets raped by Skywatcher then he gets raped by Skywatcher then." Graypaw was next. And that was what Crowpaw was afraid of. His LOYAL, and TRUSTWORTHY FRIENDS had let SKYWATCHER in the bathroom while HE was taking a SHOWER. Not a good idea at all.

"Erm, my straightener won't turn on!" He heard the high pitched voice of Skywatcher yowl to himself. So he uses a straightener, why the heck in Hellclan would he need a straightener? Crowpaw thought. Obviously, Skywatcher must have not known he was in there. And that's exactly how Crowpaw anted it.

Nope.

No gay, freaky teacher for him. And plus, why was Skywatcher in the dorms? Then he remembered, Hawkpaw wanted to impersonate Eric Cartman and went and disabled the water supply in the teacher's wing on the west side. Knowing Redtail, he probably told the teachers to go use the students.

And oh joy.

Crowpaw.

Got.

SKYWATCHER. Of all the teachers. Not that he ahd anything against the teacher, heck, he hardly even knew him! But from what he'd heard students say, mainly the eigth graders, Tawnyspots and Featherwhisker to be exact, Skywatcher had a thing for scoping out toms.

Crowpaw then wondered is Skywatcher was deaf or something if he wouldn't be able to hear the running water, his thoughts were actually correct when it happened. Something that would scar him for the rest of his life. Skywatcher pulled back the curtain.

Yes.

Pulled back.

The shower curtain, thus, revealing a poor, wet, and semi - cat - like naked Crowpaw.

And all Crowpaw could do was:

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" He screamed at the top of his lungs the loudest he could.

"What the?" Skywatcher ask, baffled. It only took Crowpaw two seconds to register everything about Skywatcher:

He was gray and white. Had long fur, most of it accumulating around his neck, making him look a hippie. He was wearing a yellow, red, green, pink, purple, aqua, blue, gray, and orange tie - dye shirt that said in big, black letters: 'Toms rok my sox' as an understatement to try and be cool, when all it did was make him look gay.

Around each of his paws he wore three golden chains with hearts and rainbows, and any other cheesy icon you might want to throw in there, hangin garound it. But what shocked Crowpaw the most was when he actually grabbed Crowpaw and pinned him against the shower wall.

"You're... a tom." Skywatcher said slyly. Crowpaw narrowed his blue eyes and stared at Skywatcher.

"Yes, what did you think I was? A gay like you? No thanks." Crowpaw replied sarcastically.

"A fine looking tom too..." Skywatcher added as if he didn't hear Crowpaw the first time. Crowpaw raised his eyes skeptically. Why can't he frickin' leave me alone!? He yowled in his head.

"Get the fuck away from me!" He yowled and pushed Sjywatcher away. The tom hurridly grabbed his stuff off the counter and raced into the dorm where he found Ravenpaw and Graypaw cracking up. "What's so funny?" He sneered.

"Oh nothing. We just though that a visit from everybody's gay teacher was just what you needed." Graypaw snickered. Crowpaw folded his paws in annoyance. He was friends with WHO?

"And besides, we figured that this way, you would be able to see how weird he is. Best to lock the door and we leave." Ravenpaw said, flaunting the keys in front of Crowpaw's crystal blue eyes as if it were a mouse in leaf - bare.

"But, while we wait for nighttime. Who wants to talk about Crowpaw before he came here? Or why they were sent here?" Graypaw asked, tryign to lighten the mood that hung in the room like a shadow. "Come on, Crowpaw, you first!" He cheered. Crowpaw sighed and fell backwards on his bed with an audible thunk.

"Well... I come from Windclan--"

"Foreigner eh?" Ravenpaw said, trying to do an imitation of Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Carribean. "Me and Graypaw, Sorrelpaw, Cinderpaw, and Firepaw are from Thunderclan. Nice to meet ya Mr. Windclanner." He smiled. Graypaw clouted him behind the ears. "ow..." He growled.

"Anyway, my parents are Tornear and Ashfoot... and I... used to go to Starclan's Learners, a private school for only WIndclanners. Well, my brother, Eaglekit, still goes there and Tornear won't take him out because he was totally against me coming here and he says he wants at least one son to grow up and get a real job." Crowpaw explained.

"You have a brother?" Graypaw asked from his bed. Crowpaw shook his head in reply.

"Is he hot!?" They heard Skywatcher's muffled voice from the bathroom. Ravenpaw got up from his bed, walked over to the now locked bathroom door, and gave it a loud kick to shut the gray and white tom up. "I like 'em when they're fiesty..."

"Eww, that damn, sick, perverted, corrupted, vile, evil, twisted, retarded, stupid, son of a bi--"

"Ah hem, Ravenpaw, the language please." Crowpaw reminded his friend. The black tom turned around, mumbling curses under his breath, his white tipped tail lashing back and forth in annoyance and irritation.

"Aww man, but I wanted to think of some clever line like the one they had on 'John Tucker Must Die'." Ravenpaw whined and crossed his paws.

"Which would be...?" Graypaw asked. Ravenpaw's amber eyes brightened up.

"You know, when that cheerleader - ish person said 'Yea, it'll be like Prime Time Tucker, asta la vista, mother fucka'. That. I think I may want to be a poet when I get older" Ravenpaw replied in a sing - song voice, fluttering around like a butterfly in the spring.

"Graypaw, you really need to STOP giving Ravenpaw marijuana or whatever it is you give him." Crowpaw sighed.

"Maybe..."

--

It was nighttime. Crowpaw had his elbows rested up against the window pane and stared out the window with a long, content sigh. The stars seemed to wink at him everytime one of them would burn out and come back. "Hurry up Graypaw..." He grumbled whilst drumming his claws against the pane.

His breath hit the glass, creating a mist on it in which he wrote his name in. "I'm here!" A voice behind Crowpaw poclaimed loudly.

"It's about time! You got in the darn shower about five hours ago!" Crowpaw spat. Graypaw's whiskers twitched.

"Well excuse me if I was trying to get Skywatcher away from our dorm so he wouldn't rape you. But nevermind, I guess I'll just let you get tom - raped next time!" Graypaw said humorously. This time Crowpaw's whiskers twitched. "But anyway, come on, Ravenpaw is waiting for us in the hall."

Graypaw's gray furred tail lashed back and forth. Crowpaw sighed and got up from his chair and followed. "So where to first?" He asked.

"We, today, are going to go spy on Longtail, Scourge, and Jaggedtooth. Ravenpaw says after that he wants to go rig the bathrooms in the school area." Graypaw replied. Crowpaw nodded his head and opened up the door to the hall.

Outside, Ravenpaw was waiting for them, and what they saw, amazed them. Ravenpaw was singing. And not just any song. He was singing Barbie Girl by Aqua. The black tom weaved back and forth, his white tipped tail flowing with his body as he sang:

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie  
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain  
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky

You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh

Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again  
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party

You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours  
You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours

Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh

And of course, after he finished the song was when he saw his friends looking at him fearfully. "Come on, Barbie, let's go-- Hi... guys" He said nervously and threw down his microphone that appeared out of nowhere. "Fancy meeeting you here, Graypaw, Crowpaw." He said, looking at one tom to the other.

"What do you mean? You were waiting for us. Now come on! Do you have the camera?" Graypaw asked.

Ravenpaw smiled cheekily and took a camera out of his random fur - pocket that too, appeared out of nowhere. "Got it covered. And it has a full battery so we can keep going alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll night long baby!" He yowled. Crowpaw sighed and cupped a paw over Ravenpaw's muzzle. "Sorry, just the impulse..."

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiight." Graypaw said sarcastically. The gray apprentice turned around and bounded down the hall. Crowpaw and Ravenpaw looked at each other and shrugged, and then bounded down the hall after Graypaw. Crowpaw swore he could still hear Ravenpaw humming the Barbie Girl song.

The three friends all halted in front of the door to Jaggedtooth, Longtail, and Scourge's dorm. "Erm Graypaw, I don't think it would be such a bright idea to come in through the door and start video taping them... unless you have a death wish." Crowpaw suggested.

"Excellent idea Agent Crow!" Graypaw replied. "We'll go through the heater!"

"WE'RE GOING TO DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE IF WE GO THROUGH THE HEATERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I NEVER GOT TO SAY GOOD BYE TO CINDERPAW AND SORRELPAW AND FIREPAW AND MOUSE-- wait, not Mousepaw, anyway, AND MOMMY AND DADDY AND BROTHERY AND SISTERY AND COUSINY AND UNCLEY AND AUNTY AND--"

Crowpaw raised a fist and knocked him dead across the face.

"Thanks, I needed that." Ravenpaw sighed and brushed off an invsible piece of dirt. "So, where's the heater again?"

"This way." Graypaw stated and pointed up above their heads. "This heater runs through every dorm, bathroom-- and yes Hawkpaw, I said bathroom too," Graypaw said to a passing Hawkpaw. The tabby nodded and snickered evilly before running down the hall screaming Dustpaw's name.

"Excellent idea Graypaw, now how do we get in it?" Crowpaw asked smartly.

"Like this." Graypaw replied smugly and picked up Cody and through her at the vent. The she - cat fell to the ground with a thunk and was knocked out. "You get Harepaw and Kestrelpaw. Only together can we get past this barrier!" He announced in a not - so - heroic voice.

"Right." Crowpaw replied and grabbed the now screaming Harepaw and Kestrelpaw and started to throw them at the vent. Ravenpaw resorted to throwing the well known tabby, Leafpaw.

So after twenty minutes of apprentice - nerd - throwing at the vent, it finally was loose enough and one more throw, this time using Ravenpaw since Harepaw got knocked out, the vent fell and the trio leaped in. Crowpaw looked over his shoulder at the limp bodies of the nerds and frowned. He quickly grabbed the cover and put it back.

They could later blame it on Talonpaw or Shrewpaw if they pleased...

"Aw, guess what? If we wanted to, we could go sneak in Yellowpaw's dorm. I hear she shares it with Hazelpaw and Gorsepaw. By the way, Crowpaw, what WERE you dreaming about the other night?" Graypaw asked.

"Erm... just what a Stupid, ugly, disgusting, inexplainable, fatass, dumbass, retard, fucktard, dumbtard, stupid load of lard who doesn't know what personal hygiene is and needs to learn the simple fact of life that toms DO NOT fall for her nor sha'll they ever because she is some stupid, ugly gray she - cat with the dullest yellow eyes I have ever seen. I do not know how I was ever able to approach her on my first day, thank Starclan Graypaw saved me from her horrific looks and told me to never, ever approach her skinny ass, bag of bones ever again. I now ask myself, on the second day os school, how I have gotten to realize just what she IS? I mean come on, she looks like some homosexual freak who could probably make Mousepaw look straight in the eyes of Sandpaw which is so hard to do I'm not even going to think about it. Bad thoughts may occur... Okay, so in high school she'll probably be voted all of the following: Most likely to not succeed, work at McMouser's, live in a trash can in a an alley way, eat garbage scarped off of Stormpaw or Spottedleaf's plates, or my personal favorite, to get shot from trying to get accepted into Silverpelt Idol or trying to get on Mrs. Starclan and actually win. Oh Starclan I think I can stop ranting about the hideous of this beast that is known as Yellowpaw. Why? WHY must Starclan not bless her with good looks that even Shortwhisker or Rainfur probably have. WHy not make her be the snobby, vain little Ivypaw who is like Sandpaw's body guard or something except she won't even touch Yellowpaw's fur because everybody knows that Yellowpaw probably has some horrible desease like a flesh eating virus or something that would devour you in seconds as if you were an exact copy of Spottedleaf except more beautiful and times fifty - seven and about point dot eight billion and one. I think she'll be lucky if she even gets a boyfriend for Starclan's sake! The only tom or toms who would probably be attracted to her would either be Harepaw, Kestrelpaw, Littlecloud, Runningnose, or maybe become a bisexual and end up joining the rejects like Mousepaw, Heatherpaw, Onewhisker, Twig, Rainfur, and Willowpaw, or she could always go health freak like Shortwhisker and Owlpaw. I don't understand health freaks at all. They're too... health freakish if you get my drift. Wait, back to ruining Yellowpaw's reputation in my head. Come on, I mean who were her parents? Oh yeah, that's true, she's Yellowpaw River, daughter of stupid Riverclan leader Riverstar who dies like Starclan knows how many years ago but we're not even sure if he IS her REAL father because contrary to popular belief, we have no idea if her mom or dad is a hermaphrodite... but then again, if I went go ask her, she probably would have no clue what a hermaphrodite is... just like Eric Cartman's mom off of South Park which is 'lyk teh most awezomest show eva!' As Hazelpaw would say... I still say Hazelpaw has problems... hang on, is that the lunch bell? Wow, guess I spent more time thinking about some ugly - as - Deathclan gray she - cat than what I thought... so I think now I sha'll go off to lunch recess and go mingle with the students who I hadn't been able to meet earlier on my first day because of random reasons and plus the authoress is now wondering why she has typed this entire paragraph without spacing... maybe she just wanted to make everything look long and actually see who would take the time to read she is" Crowpaw replied after thinking that the authoress just went back and copy and pasted that entire paragraph from an earlier chapter..

Graypaw and Ravenpaw stared at him wide - eyed.

"Dude, you have way too much free time..." Graypaw replied, breaking the silence. Crowpaw shrugged and then started crawling to Scourge's opening in the vent.

--

It is a little known fact that Crowpaw is squeamish about porn. Yes, he would only UN - attain that whenever he grew up to be a father and enjoyed looking at porn in his office at work, but for now, he was not liking exactly what he saw.

What he saw was Longtail chained to a bed and Echosong was...

Let's just say you don't want to know, except, the only thing you SHOULD know is that Scourge was video taping and a loud, disgusted yowl came from beside Crowpaw. And Ravenpaw was still humming,

"I'm going. Let's go to Yellowpaw's dorm." Graypaw suggested. Crowpaw nodded and followed Graypaw down the shaft. The shaft was warm, and felt like it was getting warmer as they neared Yellowpaw's dorm. The metal plate below them was gradually warming up, going from cold to hot. Somebody had turned on the heater.

"Uhh... Graypaw, I don't think I'm the only one who thinks this but we need to get out of here NOW!" Crowpaw yowled, his voice echoing down the shaft in soft whispers. Graypaw turned his broad, gray head and looked at him, amber eyes gleaming in amusement.

"Don't be stup--" But Graypaw was cut off just about as he was about to say 'stupid' because a large blast of hot air rammed into the them like a hurricane. Ravenpaw went flying backwards, barely holding onto Crowpaw's dark gray pelt.

Graypaw flattened himself against the plate and unsheathed his claws to dig into the metal. The air knocked him backwards, his claws sliding down the shaft in an ear - screaming screeching noise. Crowpaw flattened his ears to block out the sound. Ravenpaw's claws were hooked in his flanks and Crowpaw had to grit his teeth to not cry out to Starclan.

Instead, Graypaw had a better idea.

The tom spread his legs out to where he was stuck between the wall and yowled, " Every tom for themselves! Scatter!" He yowled and with a tremendous burst of speed, sprinted down tht eshaft without turning back for Crowpaw and Ravenpaw.

"Sorry Ravenpaw!" Crowpaw yowled over the noise and bit down on Ravenpaw's shoulder. The black tom yowled out a curse and was then sent flying back down the shaft, Crowpaw running down the shaft to catch up with Graypaw. He raced on and on and on and on so much that Alyson got tired of typin 'and on' so many times.

A small turn appeared up ahead, the warm air almost getting to much to bear, when he turned down it. Around the curve he spotted Graypaw clawing at a air vent release. "Come help me!" He yowled over the noise.

Crowpaw sighed in relief. Thankfully, they didn't have the air turned on in the East Wing of the dorms so they were safe for now. Poor Ravenpaw was somewhere else Starclan - knows - where in the shaft.

-- With a near dead Ravenpaw --

"They are so -- OOMPH!" Ravenpaw grumbled until a flying mouse flew down his throat and he started to choke. Why does it always happen to ME? Why not the new kid? Why? WHY? I KNOW IT! THE WORLD IS GOING TO END AS WE KNOW IT AND I WON'T BE ABLE TO WARN ANYBODY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

-- BaCk WiTh CrOwPaW aNd GrAyPaW --

The two had removed the covering part of the vent release, so they could look into it. And down below them, Yellowpaw was sitting on her bed alone. Some notes of non - personal hygiene would be:

She scratched her unruly, gray furred armpits. Yelled at a nearby pencil. Sneezed and then ate her snot. Picked off a tick and sucked her blood out of it before eating the actual tick. And then eyed a nearby deodorant container with hatred and fierce ambition to be superior over it.

"See? I told you she was Stupid, ugly, disgusting, inexplainable, fatass, dumbass, retard, fucktard, dumbtard, stupid load of lard who doesn't know what personal hygiene is and needs to learn the simple fact of life that toms DO NOT fall for her nor sha'll they ever because she is some stupid, ugly gray she - cat with the dullest yellow eyes I have ever seen. I do not know how I was ever able to approach her on my first day, thank Starclan Graypaw saved me from her horrific looks and told me to never, ever approach her skinny ass, bag of bones ever again. I now ask myself, on the second day os school, how I have gotten to realize just what she IS? I mean come on, she looks like some homosexual freak who could probably make Mousepaw look straight in the eyes of Sandpaw which is so hard to do I'm not even going to think about it. Bad thoughts may occur... Okay, so in high school she'll probably be voted all of the following: Most likely to not succeed, work at McMouser's, live in a trash can in a an alley way, eat garbage scarped off of Stormpaw or Spottedleaf's plates, or my personal favorite, to get shot from trying to get accepted into Silverpelt Idol or trying to get on Mrs. Starclan and actually win. Oh Starclan I think I can stop ranting about the hideous of this beast that is known as Yellowpaw. Why? WHY must Starclan not bless her with good looks that even Shortwhisker or Rainfur probably have. WHy not make her be the snobby, vain little Ivypaw who is like Sandpaw's body guard or something except she won't even touch Yellowpaw's fur because everybody knows that Yellowpaw probably has some horrible desease like a flesh eating virus or something that would devour you in seconds as if you were an exact copy of Spottedleaf except more beautiful and times fifty - seven and about point dot eight billion and one. I think she'll be lucky if she even gets a boyfriend for Starclan's sake! The only tom or toms who would probably be attracted to her would either be Harepaw, Kestrelpaw, Littlecloud, Runningnose, or maybe become a bisexual and end up joining the rejects like Mousepaw, Heatherpaw, Onewhisker, Twig, Rainfur, and Willowpaw, or she could always go health freak like Shortwhisker and Owlpaw. I don't understand health freaks at all. They're too... health freakish if you get my drift. Wait, back to ruining Yellowpaw's reputation in my head. Come on, I mean who were her parents? Oh yeah, that's true, she's Yellowpaw River, daughter of stupid Riverclan leader Riverstar who dies like Starclan knows how many years ago but we're not even sure if he IS her REAL father because contrary to popular belief, we have no idea if her mom or dad is a hermaphrodite... but then again, if I went go ask her, she probably would have no clue what a hermaphrodite is... just like Eric Cartman's mom off of South Park which is 'lyk teh most awezomest show eva!' As Hazelpaw would say... I still say Hazelpaw has problems... hang on, is that the lunch bell? Wow, guess I spent more time thinking about some ugly - as - Deathclan gray she - cat than what I thought... so I think now I sha'll go off to lunch recess and go mingle with the students who I hadn't been able to meet earlier on my first day because of random reasons and plus the authoress is now wondering why she has typed this entire paragraph without spacing... maybe she just wanted to make everything look long and actually see who would take the time to read didn't I?

"Fine, I believe you then." Graypaw snorted and then wondered why the authoress has copied that twice in this chapter but he decided not to ask that question because he figured that by questioning the authoress she would make him do something retarded like this, because she has the power of the 'keyboard', and even better, 'backspace':

--

Graypaw looked at his mom and randomly blurted out: "I like to sing, I like to dance, I like to put ants in Crowpaw's pants!"

--

"So... wanna mess with somebody else-- oh crap." Crowpaw said as he heard the vent release creak, and snap, and then send Crowpaw plummeting into the dorm, of the ugliest she - cat, Yellowpaw.

"Crowpaw!" Graypaw yowled all dramatically but it wasn't dramatic at all.

When Crowpaw hit the bottom, he found himself on Gorsepaw's bed which smelled oddly of sweat and cotton candy. But he wasn't going to ask why Gorsepaw would excersise and eat cotton candy at the same time.

"H-he l-loves m-me... he l-loves me n-not..." Yellowpaw chanted over and over again while picking leaves off of a flower and saying stuff in random languages; aztec, british, spanish, french, african, etc. "Crowpaw! My one and only love!" She yowled when she saw him, her amber eyes brightening up tremendously and turning the size of the moon.

"U-uh h-hello-o Y-yellowp-paw" Crowpaw stuttered, his eyes darting around for the nearest escape. Yellowpaw walked closer.

"I even got a song for our wedding! Here it is!" She yowled and started to sing I Write Sins, Not Tragedies in a very off key manner...

Oh, well imagine, as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor,  
and I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words:  
"What a beautiful wedding! What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter.  
"And yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom's bride is a sleeper."

I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"  
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.  
I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"  
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of...

Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved  
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne  
Oh! Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved  
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne, pour the champagne

I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"  
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.  
I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"  
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

Again...

I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"  
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.  
I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"  
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

Again...

"Away from him you beast!" Graypaw yowled and jumped in the door, doing a move like the matrix although I don't quite know how he did. Thus, he touched Yellowpaw, screamed, yes screamed, not yowled, screamed, grabbed Cropwaw, and raced out the door in mad pursuit to get away from Yellowpaw.


	8. Chapter 8

Crowpaw, Ravenpaw, and Graypaw silently crept through the school hall. The three were flattened against the wall, fur standing up in the slightest bit. Crowpaw could feel tension rippling off Ravenpaw in waves. Hopefully, the black tom with his white tipped tail would start on one of 'episodes' again.

A silent signal from Graypaw's lashing tail told Crowpaw to follow. The gray - black apprentice nodded to himself and steathily followed behind. Pawstep by pawstep, they neared the bathroom. But from inside the bathroom, they heard something they were not expecting. Something they never wold have dreamed of.

It was...

Owlpaw.

And.

Shortwhisker. And from the sound of it, they were deeply engaged in some activity Crowpaw didn't want to know about. "Do you hear that?" Crowpaw asked Graypaw and Ravenpaw. The two other apprentices nodded his way and crept on along the wall. "Come on." He added and took the lead, ignoring Graypaw's death glare.

"What do you think they're doing in there?" Ravenpaw asked a bit nervously.

"Do we want to know?" Crowpaw mused. Ravenpaw knitted his brows together and glared at Crowpaw angrily. Crowpaw swore that all of his friends' death glares had been increasing leavels, Thistleclaw being the only known holder of the Death Glare Level 28. The only one.

"Just come on. If we don't go then we'll never know what they're doing." Graypaw growled. Crowpaw and Ravenpaw flashed a look at each other and shrugged. The two watched Graypaw stalk closer to the bathroom with evenly paced steps. Crowpaw quetly moved along to catch up with him.

"Oh yeah, Crowpaw and Graypaw, I'm still not forgiving you two for making me nearly eat a mouse!" Ravenpaw exclaimed in a low tone of voice. Crowpaw twitched his whiskers and flicked his ears. "I mean it guys!" He whined.

"Well, if you don't want to stay following us then go back to the dorm and go whine to yourself. Or go to Sorrelpaw, Cinderpaw, and Firepaw. Go bug them or something if you're not going to help." Crowpaw growled irritatedly. Ravenpaw looked at him and turned away.

"Well I'm going back to the dorm and go sleep if you want to be like that!" Ravenpaw hissed. Crowpaw turned his head to face Graypaw, who had a sly smirk on his face. With one, fluid motion, Graypaw raised a paw and scraped it against the wall as Ravenpaw was padding off.

Crowpaw turned back to look at Ravenpaw. As soon as Graypaw's claws met the wall, Ravenpaw freaked out and ran down the hall screaming: "THE WORLD IS GOING TO END! SO STARCLAN HELP ME THAT THE CATS OF THE DARK FOREST ARE OUT TO GET ME! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I DONT WANNA DIE! I DONT WANNA DIE!"

"...Wanna go raid on Shortwhisker and Owlpaw's little happy time?"

"Sure." Crowpaw said smugly and the two moved after Ravenpaw had been disappeared down the hall. The two quietly opened the door, and what they saw, shocked them. What they saw: Owlpaw and Shortwhisker looking at porn magazines and making out at the same time.

"Ewwwwwwwww! That's just sick!" Crowpaw heard a voice yowl. He turned around quickly only to see a bundle of gray fur, otherwise known as Cinderpaw, come swinging from a vine and kick Owlpaw out the window, into the cool night air. Shortwhisker hurried up and ran after his boyfriend.

Crowpaw and Graypaw stood still with a sweat drop at their heads and flat looks. "..."

"What?" Cinderpaw asked, turning around. Crowpaw opened his mouth to speak but Graypaw stole his words right out of his mouth. "What?" She prompted again.

"How... did you follow us?" Graypaw asked skeptically. The sweat drop still clung to the side of his head. Graypaw looked up and saw the sweat drop and tried to shake it off but it didn't work out to great. "Argh! Get off of me!" He yowled at it. Graypaw turned around and saw Crowpaw fighting with his own sweat drop.

"Erm... can I answer your question?" Cinderpaw asked. Crowpaw and Graypaw took a moment to stop and stared at her like she was an idiot. "Helloooo? Anybody home?" She said, waving a paw in front of their face.

"Er, yeah." Crowpaw answered for Graypaw.

"Well, I saw you two, along with Ravenpaw, sneak out the dorm and wanted to see what you were going do. Firepaw said it was a stupid idea and that you were probably going to go visit Stonerfur but Sorrelpaw said that since Crowpaw was going that you were probably going mess around with something. So I decided to go follow you to see what your were going do since I knew that Ravenpaw wouldn't sneak out at night to save his own life. But alas, whenever I saw you entering the school wing, I was really curious now so I followed you here. And yes, I even followed through the vent which was hell because whenever they turned on the heater I thought I was going to die. Well then I saw Ravenpaw pinned against the back of the metal plate and knew that he would probably blow my cover. SO what I did was go catch me a mouse and a few other objects and found a detour in the vent. So then, whenever the heater turned on, I stuck the mouse in the place where it blew the strongest, evened up the position where Ravenpaw was at, and let the mouse go. So then, I followed the scent of the mouse and the route it had taken which led me to a Ravenpaw with a mouse stuck halfway down his throat. He tried to call out to you but he couldn't with the mouse stuck down his throat. I told him that his fur wasn't black anymore, it looked more of a purple or green color. Next, I stood there taunting him for about an hour until the heater turned off and then I raced off to go find you two. I think he was really starting to choke but I didn't know because I think I was going to get murdered or something if I had stayed behind. I'm telling you his eyes turned red. So before he regained his breath, I quickly raced off to find you. But the hallway guards caught me and I tested out my pwnsome ninja skillz on them. After I had nearly decapticated the guards-- I continued on before I came across some more guards and then used my adorable cuteness on them since I was tired after that. After the guards, who were Darkstripe and the other janitors let me pass, I spent about sixty - seven minutes wandering around the hall to go look for you since I could hear Ravenpaw arguing with the guards already. So what I did was find the nearest golf cart and steal it and come driving through the halls to find you two. When I heard you two whispering stuff to each other, I quickly drove faster but then I ran out of gas. Figuring that you had already gotten to far to walk to, I ran back into the Forest Exxon to go buy some more gas, which cost me fifty eight mouse tails by the way so you guys owe me bigtime. Anyway, it was then I realized that I left the golf cart in the hall so I had to walk all the way back. Along the way I was walking, I ran into some freaky beggar named Lizardstripe who asked me how Yellowpaw was doing which was really weird because she asked me to go home with her so I think she was really Michael Jackson in disguise or somethign but I don't really know because my attention span is the size of a teasthingy. But anyway, I walked along that same road for about another two hours, meeting some weird cat named Brightflower who tried to get me to go to the other local schools... I think it was Starclan's Learners and some other freaky all she - cat boarding school called "Miss Preppy Pooch's Pre - School But It's Not Really A Pre - School Because We Just Gave It That Name To Make It Sound Like A Fancy Boarding School" and thus, along the way I met some other cat named Featherwhisker who tried to get me to go to his military academy. Well, when I finally got back to the school, I acidentally left the gas can container lid open and realized that the gas leaked out the whole way coming here and well... I had to test out my pwnsome ninja skills again on the guards and it was only when I got past them that I saw Ravenpaw joining you. So of course, me being little adorable Cinderpaw caught up with you both in the bathroom after planting a vine in the bathroom ceiling and applyling eighty thousand tons of Miracle Grow to it to help it grow twenty feet long in less than twenty minutes. And now, my dear friends, we are where we are at now." Cinderpaw explained and then fainted.

"Erm Crowpaw, should we help? I mean, saying that many sentences cannot be good for your health at all..." Graypaw said with a small frown.

"I supposed..." Crowpaw mumbled.

So the two apprentices quickly drug off Cinderpaw's limp body and returned to the bathroom, armed with wrenches, saw, screwdrivers, and many more tools. "Sha'll we?" Crowpaw mused.

"Yes, let's." Graypaw replied. The to nodded to each other and both got to work on seperate sinks and bathroom stalls and the showers. Crowpaw pulled out a wrench and walked up to a sink. His cold, unwavering eyes studied the knozzle on the sink and he pulled out the Mighty Wrench Of Doom and started to fasten it.

He pulled one way, going counter - clockwise, thus, tightening it. He quickly jerked it back and forth whilst making sure it was tight and secure. He hooked the wrench back on his belt and moved over to the next sink. His eyes flashed over to Graypaw, who was trying his best to cut off the pipe that lead to the sink.

"Um Graypaw, what are you doing?" Crowpaw asked skeptically. Graypaw was bending down on one knee and looked up at him. The gray furred tom's amber eyes shown playfully.

"Well, I'm trying to cut off the pipe thats leads here so that way, whenever somebody comes to turn on the faucet, it'll go through the pipe and start squirting out all over their pants. How about you go work on the showers or something." Graypaw suggested.

"I guess." Crowpaw shrugged. Graypaw waved him off and returned to his task with cutting off a section of the pipe. Crowpaw looked at his friend once more and made his way to the showers. He took a step inside and noticed how elborate they were. The showers were made out of white and sky blue marble, studded with the occasional sapphire and emerald; although most of them had dents in the marble from students trying to pick them out.

Crowpaw stifled a small laugh.

The nozzle on the shower head was made out of a tarnished metal, repainted over with a brilliant greenish - gray color. The walls surrounding the shower were straight, with a few shelves that contained rags and soap, along with the occasional shampoo or conditioner.

"They spend too much money on this," He chuckled to himself. With one more glance around the shower, he added, " Only to have students like us come in and destroy it." He mused in a small whisper like tone.

Crowpaw silently whistled and pulled out a plug, a chisel, and a hammer. He put his paws on his hips and looked up and down the shower neck. With a small squeak of amusement, he carefully positioned the chisel on the metal shower neck, and used the hammer to form a crack within the metal.

Crowpaw moved the chiself and hammer away from the shower neck and admired his handiwork, watching the crack split all the way around the metal. With a laugh, he took out the plug and shoved it in the crack. "There we go." He huffed as he squished the plug deep into the pipe.

Crowpaw hooked the hammer and chisel back onto his belt and dug around in a pocket. With a nod of approvale, he carefully pulled out a jar. And not just any jar, a jar filled with hybridized african killer bees crossed over with hornets, wasps, and any other bug you can think of that can sting or bite, thus, creating the 'Insect X' as Crowpaw called it.

Some experiment they had to do in Petalnose's class the Friday before the concert of Fall Out Cat. "Isn't life sweet?" He chuckled to himself. Crowpaw then started to hum a happy tune of the song 'If You Were Gay'.

He carefully took out a sponge, soaked in syrup to stop it from unplugging. He hurridly took of the lid of the jar and inserted the sponge around the edge where the lid would cover, and as Crowpaw expected, the Insect X's all swarmed around the sponge.

Crowpaw smiled to himself and turned lid over. With one swift, graceful movement, he rammed the jar into the crack he had create and removed the spong from the front and pushed it took the back so the bugs couldn't fly out. Crowpaw kept the sponge in place and picked up the hammer to bend the rod back.

When the neck of the shower closed, Crowpaw stood back and smiled. From deep inside, he could hear the buzzing of the insects. Until Monday, they could survive off of the syrup and hooney stuck to the sponge. And now he had one more thing: Loosen the cap on the shower neck.

Taking out a screwdriver, he approached the cap on the shower. He stuck it under the crease, being careful to stay away from the holes as to not get stung through them, and pulled up on it barely. The cap wiggled and bugs tried to get through it. "Perfect." He smiled and walked off to the toilets where he spotted Graypaw.

"hey Crowpaw! Guess what? I rigged up one of the toilets to whenever you flush it, it flushes and then shoots everything back out! Cool huh?" Graypaw exclaimed. Crowpaw craned his neck and spotted Graypaw's contraption. Other than the fact it had multiple dents in it and one sign of 'Graypaw wuz hea' inscribed in it, it looked pretty normal to him.

"So now what?" Crowpaw asked. Graypaw took out one claw and scratched his head.

"I... guess we can go hide Tigerstar's porn in the gym." Graypaw suggested and scurried off. Crowpaw furrowed his brows and raced off after his friend. The two raced down the hallway, doing their best as to not get caught or spotted by the guards, and arrived at the Junior High gym.

"here we are!" Crowpaw proclaimed. Graypaw walked up to his friend and put a paw on his shoulder.

"Crowpaw, I really respect your wishes on how you want to grow up and what you want to do when you get older. Such as, having a kit randomly named after Breezepaw and taking a mate similar to Featherpaw, Leafpaw, and Nightcloud, but please, for the love of Starclan, don't ever do that again." Graypaw explained in a solemn tone.

"What... did I do?" Crowpaw asked. Graypaw shrugged and walked off to the office of their tabby coach, also known as Tigerstar. They both looked around the office, inspecting every drawer and shelf. Crowpaw and Graypaw both searched every nook an cranny for the porn, but couldn't find any.

Crowpaw raised up every possible item: From pencils to erasers, and even rubber balls to marijuana stalks that had already been smoked. Nearby, though, Graypaw watched with a lustful look at the marijuana. "Graypaw, it is already been smoked so chill out, dude." Crowpaw sighed.

Graypaw's gray - furred ears laid back and his tail drooped as he looked around the office some more. "Hey look what I found!" He exclaimed five minutes later, holding up a record in a red case.

"Graypaw, that's the song 'If You Were Gay'.." Crowpaw sighed again.

"Yeah, I know! I've always wanted to hear this song!" He added and put it in an old fashioned record player. He put the needle on the record and the song began with the usual tune of 'If You Were Gay' by Avenue Q began with:

ROD  
Aah, an afternoon alone with  
My favorite book, "Broadway  
Musicals of the 1940s."  
No roommate to bother me.  
How could it get any better than this?

NICKY  
Oh,hi Rod!

ROD  
Hi Nicky.

NICKY  
Hey Rod, you'll never  
Guess what happened to  
Me on the subway this morning.  
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

ROD  
That's very interesting.

NICKY  
He was being real friendly,  
And I think he was coming on to me.  
I think he might've thought I was gay!

ROD  
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?  
Why should I care?  
I don't care.  
What did you have for lunch today?

NICKY  
Oh, you don't have to get  
All defensive about it, Rod...

ROD  
I'm NOT getting defensive!  
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?  
I'm trying to read.

NICKY  
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod.  
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

ROD  
I don't want to talk about it,  
Nicky! This conversation is over!!

NICKY  
Yeah, but...

ROD  
OVER!!

NICKY  
Well, okay, but just so you know —  
IF YOU WERE GAY  
THAT'D BE OKAY.  
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,  
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.  
BECAUSE YOU SEE,  
IF IT WERE ME,  
I WOULD FEEL FREE  
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY  
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)

ROD  
Nicky, please!  
I am trying to read...  
What?!

NICKY  
IF YOU WERE QUEER

ROD  
Ah, Nicky!

NICKY  
I'D STILL BE HERE,

ROD  
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book.

NICKY  
YEAR AFTER YEAR

ROD  
Nicky!

NICKY  
BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR  
TO ME,

ROD  
Argh!

NICKY  
AND I KNOW THAT YOU

ROD  
What?

NICKY  
WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,

ROD  
I would?

NICKY  
IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,  
"HEY! GUESS WHAT,  
I'M GAY!"  
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)  
I'M HAPPY  
JUST BEING WITH YOU.

ROD  
High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...

NICKY  
SO WHAT SHOULD IT  
MATTER TO ME  
WHAT YOU DO IN BED  
WITH GUYS?

ROD  
Nicky, that's GROSS!

NICKY  
No it's not!  
IF YOU WERE GAY  
I'D SHOUT HOORAY!

ROD  
I am not listening!

NICKY  
AND HERE I'D STAY,

ROD  
La la la la la!

NICKY  
BUT I WOULDN'T GET  
IN YOUR WAY.

ROD  
Aaaah!

NICKY  
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME  
TO ALWAYS BE  
BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,  
TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,  
YOU WERE JUST BORN  
THAT WAY,  
AND, AS THEY SAY,  
IT'S IN YOUR DNA,  
YOU'RE GAY!

ROD  
BUT I'M NOT GAY!

NICKY  
If you were gay.

ROD  
Argh!

As soon as the song ended, Crowpaw stood with his sweatdrop back again, not even botherign this time to bat it away. "Graypaw... there are just some thigns in life such as songs and videos you are never supposed to watch. I think that might come pretty close to the top of the list. So I am now going to walk away and-- OW!" Crowpaw yowled and realized that what he tripped over was Tigerstar's porn.

"Hey you find it Crowpaw!" Graypaw exclaimed and raced forward. The apprnetice picked up the black tape, turning it over and over and looking beneath it and stuff. All he could see was a lable that read: 'XXX NOT FOR APPRENTICES: TIGERSTAR'S PORN XXX' In big, bold letters.

"Hmph, where you want to put it then?" Crowpaw asked.

"Let's go sneak it under Bluestar's desk. I think Clawface or Darkstripe have a golf cart somewheres in one of their closets that we could use." Graypaw suggested. Crowpaw nodded and the two ran off to go find the nearest janitor closet.

It didn't take Graypaw and Crowpaw long to find the janitors closet, mainly because it was marked with large signs saying stuff like 'JANITORS CLOSET' in large, neon yellow and green lights.

"Ya think they got their message across?" Graypaw asked.

"Nah, they need more color." Crowpaw snickered.

The two opened the forest green door and found the golf cart, sitting in a ray of shining, yellow light. Crowpaw found the keys and handed them to Graypaw. The two of them got in the golf cart, Graypaw driving, and put on shades to try and act like the really fancy people on TV shows even though you know people in real life wouldn't do.

"Let's ride." A random voice out of nowehre said.

Graypaw hit the gas peddle on the golf cart and took off flying down the hallway. "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Graypaw cheered the whole way so much, that he didn't even realize Crowpaw hanging onto his own seat for dear life.

--

"Too... tired. Can't... speak..." Graypaw heaved, flopping down backwards onto his bed.

"Well, if I remember right, you were the idiot who went and hid the porn underneath Bluestar, Redtail, and Lionheart's desk and 'accidentally' hit the alarm button! Starclan you're retarded." Crowpaw growled.

From behind the two chatting apprentices, Ravenpaw walked through the door, dripping wet, and soaked to the bone. And he was freezing... badly. "Gee, thanks for staying with me guys." He growled.

"What happened to you?" Crowpaw asked. Ravenpaw flicked his white - tipped tail in annoyance and sat down on his respective bed.

"Let's say this happened: I was left behind. And then after Cinderpaw regained her consciousness after reciting to you two her basically, life story, I found her and she brought me back to the Forest Exxon to o get some gas for her golf cart that randomly appeared out of nowhere. That's what happened." Ravenpaw growled.

But when he looked, Crowpaw and Graypaw had already fallen asleep.

"WHY MUST THEY ALWAYS ABANDON ME? I'M GOING TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! HELP ME LORD! Wait a minute... what's a lord? Dont' make ME SING THE 'IF YOU WERE GAY SONG!" He yowled and saw that it didn't wake either of them up. "IM SERIOUS!" He added, but Crowpaw only mumbled a bit in his sleep, and Graypaw prattled on about weed and crack.

"THAT"S IT!" He yowled and inhaled deeply before singing:

ROD  
Aah, an afternoon alone with  
My favorite book, "Broadway  
Musicals of the 1940s."  
No roommate to bother me.  
How could it get any better than this?

NICKY  
Oh,hi Rod!

ROD  
Hi Nicky.

NICKY  
Hey Rod, you'll never  
Guess what happened to  
Me on the subway this morning.  
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

ROD  
That's very interesting.

NICKY  
He was being real friendly,  
And I think he was coming on to me.  
I think he might've thought I was gay!

ROD  
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?  
Why should I care?  
I don't care.  
What did you have for lunch today?

NICKY  
Oh, you don't have to get  
All defensive about it, Rod...

ROD  
I'm NOT getting defensive!  
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?  
I'm trying to read.

NICKY  
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod.  
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

ROD  
I don't want to talk about it,  
Nicky! This conversation is over!!

NICKY  
Yeah, but...

ROD  
OVER!!

NICKY  
Well, okay, but just so you know —  
IF YOU WERE GAY  
THAT'D BE OKAY.  
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,  
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.  
BECAUSE YOU SEE,  
IF IT WERE ME,  
I WOULD FEEL FREE  
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY  
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)

ROD  
Nicky, please!  
I am trying to read...  
What?!

NICKY  
IF YOU WERE QUEER

ROD  
Ah, Nicky!

NICKY  
I'D STILL BE HERE,

ROD  
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book.

NICKY  
YEAR AFTER YEAR

ROD  
Nicky!

NICKY  
BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR  
TO ME,

ROD  
Argh!

NICKY  
AND I KNOW THAT YOU

ROD  
What?

NICKY  
WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,

ROD  
I would?

NICKY  
IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,  
"HEY! GUESS WHAT,  
I'M GAY!"  
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)  
I'M HAPPY  
JUST BEING WITH YOU.

ROD  
High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...

NICKY  
SO WHAT SHOULD IT  
MATTER TO ME  
WHAT YOU DO IN BED  
WITH GUYS?

ROD  
Nicky, that's GROSS!

NICKY  
No it's not!  
IF YOU WERE GAY  
I'D SHOUT HOORAY!

ROD  
I am not listening!

NICKY  
AND HERE I'D STAY,

ROD  
La la la la la!

NICKY  
BUT I WOULDN'T GET  
IN YOUR WAY.

ROD  
Aaaah!

NICKY  
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME  
TO ALWAYS BE  
BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,  
TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,  
YOU WERE JUST BORN  
THAT WAY,  
AND, AS THEY SAY,  
IT'S IN YOUR DNA,  
YOU'RE GAY!

ROD  
BUT I'M NOT GAY!

NICKY  
If you were gay.

ROD  
Argh!

"NOT THAT SONG!" Crowpaw yowled and shot up straight. "IT REMINDS ME OF SKYWATCHER!" The fear was evident in his eyes from the look on his face, Ravenpaw swore his eyes had turned redish - yellow from the usual blueish - amber.

"Weeeeeeeeeeell, if you would let me expl-- STARCLAN DAMNIT CROWPAW!" He snarled when Crowpaw fell back asleep. "WHY DO THEY ALWAYS LEAVE ME?! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! I NEVER EVEN GOT TO SAY GOODBYE TO DADDY BARLEY AND MOMMY GOLDENFLOWER EVEN THOUGH I KNOW SHE'S NOT MY MOTHER BECAUSE VICKY HOLMES EVEN SAID SHE ISN'T BUT I'M GOING TO BELIEVE SHE IS ANYWAY BECAUSE I CAN DO STUFF LIKE THAT!"

And then he, too, also crashed out on a bed with a loud thunk.  
--

Praise Starclan."

"Amen." Crowpaw replied. He, Sorrelpaw, Graypaw, and Cinderpaw were seated at the local church. Firepaw didn't come because he didn't believe in Starclan, and Ravenpaw didn't come because he said that since the church was made of marble, that if it crashed, he would be crushed by the marble pillars.

The priest, preacher, pastor, etc. was Mudfur, who was holding a Starclan bible in one paw and a his page turner in the other. "And then, Thunderstar told Lightningtail, YOU, LIGHTININGTAIL! Will be my deputy!" He yowled, causing everybody in the church to jump.

"Anger management..." Graypaw coughed under his paw. Sorrelpaw jabbed him in the ribs to shut him up. Graypaw rubbed his side while shooting a glare at Sorrelpaw. Crowpaw rolled his eyes and turned back to watch Mudfur rant on and on until it took fifteen people working for the Secret Service to carry him off the podium, while he still yowled out passages from the bible all the way.

"Well, it's about time that's over!" Cinderpaw exclaimed with her fur ruffled up.

"Ya know, when I told my mom that Mudfur was crazy, she never listened to me..." Graypaw muttered.

"That's those Riverclanners for you." Crowpaw mused, watching Graypaw glare at him. "Oh, I'm sorry if Minnowpaw and Silverpaw are from Riverclan, you're not going to die." He smirked. Graypaw started to mutter a few things and shoved his paws in his fur.

"Hey guys, how about we go to the mall for a little Sunday shopping?" Sorrelpaw suggested. Cinderpaw, Crowpaw, and Graypaw all gave her a blank stare. "Without Ravenpaw or Firepaw?"

"SURE!" Cinderpaw exclaimed. She started to dash out the church but was caught by Crowpaw's outstretched paw. "Oh yeah. Who's driving the golf cart?"

Sorrelpaw looked expectantly at Graypaw, and then pointed. "Certainly not him." She joked. Fishing the keys out of her fur, she presented a black and silver key. "Now presenting, golf cart key!" She exclaimed proudly and raised it above her head. "Now let's go!" She added.

The four friends all found the golf cart, conveniently parked outside their dorm, and hopped in. Cinderpaw was in the passenger seat, Sorrelpaw was driving, and Graypaw and Crowpaw were sitting in the seat in the back.

It took the bribery of weed to get Graypaw to stop trying to give the golf cart hydrolics, and to stop him from dragging his claws against the ground, claiming he was 'giving the golf cart neon lights'.

"So where to?" Crowpaw asked.

"Please do not talk while the golf cart is in motion." Cinderpaw growled over a randomly appearing walkie talkie, that came out of nowhere.

"Sheesh..." Crowpaw muttered and sat down.

--

The four friends all parked the golf cart in a parking lot outside the store. "Okay, so where you guys wanna go first?" Sorrelpaw asked. Crowpaw and Graypaw both looked at each other, shrugged, and turned back. "Fine, let's go down to--"

"Split up!" Graypaw announced. Crowpaw knew that one second, he saw Sorrelpaw, and then the next, he was being dragged down the mall by Cinderpaw. No telling where Graypaw ran off to, and Sorrelpaw, stood in her spot looking like retard.

Crowpaw's crystal blue eyes were wide when he felt himself slam into a wall, head first, Cinderpaw then came barreling into him next. "Ow!" He shrieked and pushed the fluffy gray apprentice off him. "Gee, thanks Cinderpaw." He growled and stood up. Crowpaw stood on unsteady legs and started to brush off imaginary dust.

"Aww come on Crowy! We might as well do some shopping!" She cheered.

Crowpaw stared at her blankly.

"What?" She asked.

"Cinderpaw, may I remind you that I'm broke. Eaglekit has all the money right now." Crowpaw informed her. Realization dawned on Cinderpaw's face, only to be relit by something else -- snickering. "What's so funny?" Cinderpaw sighed and dug around in her fur pocket and retrieved, a credit card.

"Now presenting, Sandpaw's credit card!" She announced. "So, now we aren't broke. Come on!" She added and grabbed Crowpaw by his paw and pulled him to the nearest clothing store. Crowpaw failed to notice the fact that the store was entitled 'Catacrombie and Catapostle'.

The store was massive on the inside-- clothing lining along all walls and racks placed in the middle. "Okay, I'll be over here if you need me! Oh, and get something good too. If we have money right now, we'll only be buying top brands!" Cinderpaw meowed cheekily and ran off to a rack filled with tank tops.

Crowpaw sighed and browsed through the racks. Hoodies, jeans, shoes, shirts, jackets, and more were scattered about, until one thing in particular caught his eye. Crowpaw's blue eyes locked onto a pair of jet black jeans with three chains hanging off the side. A belt circled around it, studded with diamonds, and the buckle was imprinted with the logo of Catapostle.

He scampered off for the jeans and his eyes flickered down tot he price tag: 5,000. Did he have enough? Well you had better bet your ugly f-king boots he did! He had Sandpaw's credit card with him! Crowpaw greedily snatched the black jeans off the rack and slung them over his shoulder, now he needed a jacket and a shirt to go along with it.

Crowpaw smirked to himself and calmly started to hum as he made his way over to a rack of dark blue, navy shirts with numerous logos and words written on them. One shirt caught his eyes. It was a dark blue, a hue of forest green mixed in, and was medium length. The collar dipped down to a V point by each shoulder and rose up the tiniest bit at the edge line, from back to front. And smack dab in the middle of it was a silver flame with a redish - orange outline. Crowpaw was in love with shopping.

"I see you already found something?" Cinderpaw's expectant voice sounded from behind him. The fluffy gray she - cat walked up behind him, in her paws, she carried a regular maroon hoodie and some short cut dark green short jeans. Crowpaw nodded meekly and did a babyish 'mmhmm', sounding like a toddler.

"Well, let's go check out then! Next stop, electronics!" Cinderpaw proclaimed and drug Crowpaw over to the register. Needless to say, he nearly stumbled over his own feet. Crowpaw learned that day, never underestimate the power of a hyperactive ninja wannabe.

Cinderpaw nearly threw Crowpaw, himself, on the counter when she threw her items on it. "I'm sorry madame, but, we don't sell toms." The cashier said politely, eyeing Crowpaw.

Crowpaw growled at Cinderpaw and tried --TRIED-- to get off the table, but instead, fell off and landed on his side with an audible thunk. "Ow..." He mumbled and stood. Crowpaw rubbed his side and waited for the woman to finish scanning their items.

"That'll be..." The woman, who was actually a cat, took a moment to calculate everything. "...will be about... 20,000 mouse tails." She replied. Crowpaw smacked his forehead when he saw Cinderpaw hand her the credit card. "Thanks, come again soon." She added poliely and handed them their bags.

"Can we go to the electronics now?" Crowpaw asked Cinderpaw. The she - cat nodded and they then, were whisked away to the wonders of Vole-adio Shack. So as luck would have it that our two friends entered Vole-adio Shack which was none other a car dealership, trcator rentals, weaponry store, and, electronics, Crowpaw stood amazed.

Mainly because of the items that lined the wall. To his left was a weaponry store and to the right, electronics. IPods, Mp3 players, DVD players, computers, laptops, DS lights, X-Boxes, and even mor ethan the authoress cares to list right now. Yes, he was definately in heaven.

Crowpaw's blue eyes were large, blue, and the size of the moon. They were glazed over in none other than something that could signify love for the particular store, and hatred for Cinderpaw not telling him sooner. Crowpaw clenched the bag with his latest clothes tighter and walked deeper into the store, straight for the IPods.

His eyes found one particular IPod, it was black with silver and gray streaks running diagonally and white flecks mixed in. Crowpaw reached out a paw and picked up the information packet and read it: It could hold up to ten thousand songs, and even more recordings. He was still in heaven.

So of course, going all fanaticy about the IPod, Crowpaw did what any other tom or she - cat would do, picked it up to buy it and moved down the rest of the store. It was whenever he found himself in front of XBoxes (Which he bought too) That he bothered to even turn around and look for Cinderpaw.

The fluffy gray, wannabe ninja was over by the weapons, and all Crowpaw could mutter was, "Oh crap," before he raced over to the other side of the store and rescued her from buying something that she would definately use to get revenge against Ivypaw and Whitepaw for making fun of her fur color. Obviously, Sandpaw's group didn't like she - cats with gray fur.

Crowpaw didn't exactly know how fast he ran, nor did he really care. All he knew was that one moment he was just walking away from the cashier and then the next moment he found himself sprinting over to Cinderpaw to stop her from buying a deadly weapon to kill the preps.

And of course, it was too late. Cinderpaw walked away from the counter showing Crowpaw her brand set of kunai and daggers. "They're so awesome huh!" She yowled in an excited tone. Crowpaw could feel his sweatdrop coming back already. Note to self: Buy sweatdrop repellent for me and Graypaw... He thought.

"Er... yeah, awesome... right..." Crowpaw sighed. This day was going to drag on and on...

"Next stop! Golf Cart land!" Cinderpaw chirped. Crowpaw did not like the sound of that. What was it with that cat and golf carts anyway? What was so significate about a golf cart that could make the hyperactive ninja wannabe be so engrossed about them? But as usual, he couldn't spend too much time in daydream land because Cinderpaw had grabbed his paw, and once again, literally used him to sled down the mall path.

"BRUSH BURNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Crowpaw yowled when he smacked into a door, the door to, GOLF CART LAND! Where all your Golf Cart fantasies can come true! Only In Golf Cart Land! Cinderpaw let go of his smoky grayish - black ears and leaped off of him.

"Oh quit ya whining, it's a marble floor anyway." She snorted. Realization spread across Crowpaw's face when he looked down: It was only a polished, marble, forest green, stone walkway. Boy, did he feel really stupid that moment. "But, we need to go get a new golf cart because the one I keepo stea--, I mean borrowing from the janitors is a piece of crap." She explained. "So come on!"

Crowpaw and Cinderpaw then, walked in Golf Cart Land.

--

"I think they went this way!" Sorrelpaw shouted at Graypaw. Not only had she found him after an hour of searching, but she found him in a drug store. Not knowing exactly why they would have a drug store in a mall, she got him before he could buy any steroids or excessive amounts of estrogen. Not good.

"I'm coming..." The tortoiseshell heard the smoky gray tom growl under his breath. Graypaw hurried up a bit to catch up to Sorrelpaw, and to walk at her side. "So... where did they go?" He asked again, casting a forlorn look at his shopping bag that contained a lazer light that he had been getting wicked ideas about for last half hour.

"I think I saw Cinderpaw drag Crowpaw off into Golf Cart Land." Sorrelpaw explained, pointing out with a sheathed paw in the direction of the golf cart wonderland... for Cinderpaw at least.

Sorrelpaw hurridly grabbed Graypaw's paws and raced dead into Golf Cart Land, which sounded oddly close to Cartman Land from South Park that the authoress is currently obsessed with.

--

Crowpaw sighed. This was not going well. For starters, he was standing next to a constantly chattering Cinderpaw who was constantly chattering with the golf cart sales-tom. And now, Graypaw and Sorrelpaw had finally found them. "There you are!" Sorrelpaw growled in a motherly tone of voice.

"What have you two been doing?" Graypaw asked. Crowpaw merely shrugged and pointed at Cinderpaw, who checking out a golf cart that had REAL neon lights at the bottom and top, hydrolics, a 50 watt sound system, headlights, a fridgerator, built in AC and a heater, and much, much more. And she bought it. Using Sandpaw's credit card.

"Did... you just buy us a golf cart?" Crowpaw asked in disbelief. And for emphasis, Cinderpaw dangled the keys in front of his eyes and presented him with the papers.

"Yep! And this is our own! We sha'll call it, the Slacker!" She said in a high pitched mew. "Can you believe it!? We finally got our own golf cart! And it only cost Sandp--, I mean me, only 25,000 mouse tails and dollars! They use ACTUAL dollars here!" She squeaked.

"Whipee... I'm so happy..." Crowpaw cheered sarcastically. He even waved a little white flag to prove his point. Then, Crowpaw heard a loud click sound.

"Aw man. My bracelet broke!" Graypaw growled and held up the two, pathetic pieces of the braclet. Crowpaw, Sorrelpaw, and Cinderpaw all snickered. The braclet was unmistakable of where he got it from...

"Aw, your poor cheap, Asian bracelet broke. Let's go home to tell Patchpelt and Willowpelt and everything will be okay." Crowpaw sneered at his friend.

"Why you racist son of a bit-- hey look! A penny!" Graypaw interupted himself and bent down to pick up the bronze, copper penny that lay by his hindpaws. And they say Cinderpaw has a small attention span... Crowpaw snickered in his thoughts. And wait, since when am I racist? I'm part asian! Oh wait, that's Egyptian. Aw screw it. He mused to himself.

"Hey guys, let's go eat at the cafe somewhere. I'm hungry." Graypaw said when he retrieved his penny off the ground and stuffed it in his own newly bought hoodie. Sorrelpaw rolled her eyes, Cinderpaw snorted, and Crowpaw didn't really care.

"You're always hungry." He only said.

"So? Let's go eat. I could really do for a Mouse Musse right now..." He started to dream of chocolate coated mice, dipped in whipped cream and served with cherries and light, whipped chocolate. Crowpaw watched. "Aw please? Crowpaw, you have never lived until you try one." He added and poked him in the ribs.

"Fine." Crowpaw digressed. "We'll go eat. To the Slacker!" He proclaimed.

"Uh Crowpaw, it's like, two feet in front of you," Cinderpaw pointed out.

"Oh... I knew that.."


	9. Chapter 9

The four friends drove the golf cart throughout the halls of the mall, and since it was allowed since they had just bought it, Cinderpaw, self - proclaimed diver, decided to run over a randomly passing Speckeltail. "Ahhhhhhhhhh! My hip!" The elder yowled and broke out in tears.

"Faster! Faster!" Graypaw urged her, pointing out with his paw to the nearest Catbucks Cafe. Cinderpaw, who was still driving, quickly turned the wheel, made the golf cart turn on two wheels, and crush a nearby passing kit.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" She shrieked, looking behind ehr widly.

"It was nothing. Just keep going!" Graypaw replied. So after our two heroes and two heroines finally got the golf cart under control and designated Sorrelpaw the driver for now on, they finally arrived at Catbucks Cafe which makes the authoress believe Starbucks sounds wayyyyyyyy better.

"LAND!" Crowpaw yowled and thrust himself against the ground. He started petting the ground and saying random things like: "I never thought that land would be so beautiful. It's okay, I'll never let Cinderpaw drive over you ever again." He cooed and purred to it, and yet, it only took him a half hour to realize that he was talking to the ground.

"Just get up," Sorrelpaw growled.

"But I can't stand up. Ashfoot and Tornear never taught me how."

"JUST STAND THE FUCK UP!"

"YES MAM SARGEANT MAN! I ME MAM!" Crowpaw screamed, yes screamed, and then leaped to his paws. Crowpaw raised a paw to his forehead and saluted her before walking into the Catbucks Cafe with Cinderpaw and Graypaw in tow.

The four friends all approached the counter, where Smallear and Brightflower were working the cash register. The gray fluffy, sometimes but really most of the times hyper active, ninja wannabe Cinderpaw was the first to order. Now, before the authoress goes onto a really boring discussion about the stuff they ordered, let her let you know that Catbucks is different from Starbucks.

Very.

Instead of serving little glazed donuts and warm, fresh cups of coffee like Starbucks does, Catbucks is different. All they serve is, basically, everything Starbucks sells and more. Stuff like, mice, voles, chaffinches, hamburgers, fries, cows, blue whales, elephants, ballet dancers-- sorry, I am getting ahead of myself.

"Does this have anything to with the plot?" A very confused Cinderpaw asked as she looked at the ceiling of Catbucks and realized that there was random voice coming out of nowhere. The authoress promptly apologizes to Cinderpaw and says a sharp 'no'. Then, she decided to get back on with the fiction that the reviewers came to for.

I apologize once again.

So thus, Cinderpaw approached the counter again. "I would like to order a Mouseka-teer milk shake with... a hamburger and a ballet dancer on the side." She meowed cheekily, flashing a wide, toothy grin. The cashier, Smallear, looked very confused.

"Ballet dancer? We haven't sold dead twolegs wearing flashy clothes since One - Eye was an apprentice." He replied gently. "Perhaps, you would like a number 8?" He suggested.

"Fine." Cinderpaw said crossly and let Crowpaw, Sorrelpaw, and Graypaw order.

Once everybody had ordered something, they all found their table in the cafe and awaited for the arrival of their food. Crowpaw sat borridly at the table whilst tapping his hindpaw against the floor to the beat of his IPod's song, Fight For All The Wrong Reasons by Nickelback. And now, the authoress sha'll once again break in this chapter and say that she is was listening to that song a few minutes ago.

"Crowpaw! Turn that down! I can hear the lyrics loud and fine from over here!" A very irritated Talonpaw growled from across the Catbucks Cafe. And of course, Crowpaw simply turned it up louder. "Starclan! I'm leaving!" Talonpaw added and left with Swiftpaw and Shrewpaw behind him.

"Way to go buddy!" Graypaw high fived Crowpaw.

"Foods here! That was quick." Cinderpaw said hyperly as the waitress, a part time working fifth grader named Silverpaw. And yes, it's the one from riverclan who oddly showed up in the 'Into the Wild' Riverclan allegiances and then just disappeared afterwards. Well then, this is where she went.

Crowpaw eyed his freshly creamed mousse (It's pronounced 'moose' like the animals, not 'mouse' like the rodent) like a coyote would eye the authoresses cat, Madame, who had been eaten by a coyote. Curses. It only took three days worth of crying as a nine year old to get over it. But that was years ago.

"And then, she like, like, bought it! Can you like, like believe that like, stuff!" A very excited preppy voice squealed. Crowpaw took a bite of his mousse and turned around to see Sandpaw, Ivypaw, Whitepaw, Squirrelpaw, and Tawnypaw all walking down the mall with multiple shopping bags in their paws.

"No way!" Ivypaw added. The five preps all passed by the cafe and stopped when they saw Cinderpaw. And Ivypaw, being the little bitch she is, twirled around and said: "Hey Sandpaw, isn't WHITE fur such a beautiful color? Especially when it's LONG and you have SAPPHIRE blue eyes to match it?" She taunted.

Sandpaw seemed to catch the hint and nodded. "I know, and it's so neat that we can buy all THIS stuff!" Crowpaw heard Cinderpaw mutter 'not for long' under her breath. "Come on girls, let's go buy our stuff. We're going to be so IN at school it'll be shocking!" She squealed and strutted off.

"Hey, you think they realized yet that I stole her credit card?" Cinderpaw asked, flashing the golden visa card in the air.

Crowpaw shook his head. "I don't think so, why else would should be so enthusiatic about it?" He inquired and took another bite of his chocolate mousse. Crowpaw twirled the whipped chocolate around with his sthingy and flicked some at Whitepaw, who was laggin behind the group. It hit the target, the whitest part of fur.

"Hey let me try!" Graypaw exclaimed and promptly picked up the cafe table and threw it at her.

"What... the HELL did you just do?" Sorrelpaw asked in disbelief. Graypaw merely pointed at the flying cedar wood table.

-- Sandpaw's POV --

Sandpaw saw Whitepaw going flying past her.

-- Crowpaw's POV again --

"HIT THE HILLS!" He yowled when he saw Whitepaw's boyfriend, Foxpaw, coming after him. Instead, they all ran to the Slacker instead. Sorrelpaw was driving.

"To the dorms!"

--

The way they arrived at the dorm door wasn't exactly what a person would call 'normal'. It wasn't said 'normal' because first of all, Cinderpaw had evicted Sorrelpaw of driving. Then, the rest could be expected. For starters, Crowpaw, Ravenpaw, and Graypaw now needed a new door.

And a crowbar to get Graypaw's head stuck out of the door.

--

"Hey Graypaw! We don't have any tuna left!" Crowpaw called out to him from the dorm kitchen. Each dorm had their own laundry room and kitchen, and of course, bathroom to go along with it. Crowpaw's blackish - gray furred head was stuffed in a cabinet looking for any sign of tuna cans.

"Did you look underneath Ravenpaw's bed?" He asked. Crowpaw shut the cabinet and poked his head up to see his friend. Graypaw was on the computer.

"Why would he have any under his bed?" Crowpaw inquired with a scratch to his head. Graypaw gave him a blank look.

"Crowpaw, you do realize we're talking about RAVENPAW right?"

"Oh." He replied. Crowpaw walked over to Ravenpaw's bed and flipped up the matress and instead, didn't find tuna, but instead, salmon. "Yuck! I don't like salmon!" He yowled to the ceiling. "Starclan, how can Ravenpaw eat that over - priced crap?" Graypaw didn't even look but instead, continued typing away on his computer.

Crowpaw marched around the dorm in search of tuna, but by the end of his hunt, all he had found was: Graypaw's stash of crack, weed, marijuana, more salmon, Tigerstar's dirty gym socks, an old diary with a pink laced cover, a flashlight, a teddy bear named Mr. Snugglykins, a five thousand word essay, obviously written by Ravenpaw, which repeated 'the world is going to end', and a pack of Juicy Fruit.

"Hey look! Juicy Fruit!" Crowpaw cheered and grabbed the gum. The apprentice unsheathed one long claw and tore open the gum and being satisfied, plopped one in his mouth and started to chew away at it and it's fruity wonders. The authoress apologizes yet again for making that sound gay and cheesy.

"Now what else..." Crowpaw wondered and scanned the objects beneath the bed. Casting a glance at the pink laced diary, he grabbed it and opened it. "I wonder who this belonged to?" He wondered and flipped through the pages. On the first page, in glittery letters, there was the name 'Fluffy' in large, bright, neon yellow letters.

Crowpaw turned to the first page and read:

" DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre  
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh  
meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only  
thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and  
the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the  
occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat  
another house plant." Crowpaw read to himself. It had probably belonged to a kittypet before him. Then how did it end up in their dorm? Crowpaw flipped through the next few pages and found even more:

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by  
weaving around their feet while they were walking  
almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the  
stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these  
vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit  
on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the  
headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I  
am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their  
hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a  
good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to  
plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are.  
For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture.  
This time however it included a burning foamy chemical  
called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a  
liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb  
still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their  
accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the  
event. However, I could hear the noise. More  
importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to  
MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and  
how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are  
flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely  
released and seems more than happy to return. He is  
obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has  
got to be an informant, and speaks with them  
regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due  
to his current placement in the metal room his safety  
is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of  
time...

"Hey Graypaw, who did this diary belong to?" Crowpaw asked. Graypaw didn't even turn around. Crowpaw simply shrugged and threw it back underneath the bed. Instead, this time, he grabbed the flashlight and flung it on Ravenpaw's dark gray quilted bed. "Where's Raven-- what are you typing on?"

"This?" Graypaw asked and pointed at the screen.

"Duh, what else would I be talking about? The excessive amounts of crack and weed under your bed?" Crowpaw said sarcastically. Graypaw motioned for Crowpaw to come forward and pointed at the screen, where in large, white letters and a blue background, said 'Myspace, a place for friends'.

"Myspace?" Crowpaw asked curiously.

"Yeah, I have 2,384 friends too! You need a babe? I could hook you up with a twoleg! Let's see... I have Paris Hilton... Brittany Spears, oh! Gwen Stefani would be perfect for you!" Graypaw started to list. "You should create one too. And then, I could add you to my top friends with some of my cousins like Heartpaw, Dandruffpaw, and n00bpaw."

"Eh, I guess." Crowpaw shrugged. Graypaw moved out of the chair and let Crowpaw take his place, and thus, he was introduced to the magical wonders of Myspace .com'.

It had been about two more hours until Ravenpaw came to the dorm and had went on his usual rant that he had been out trapped somewhere by Russians and Canadians when in reality, it was only Bluestar's office since he got trapped in the school after trying to get his pink eraser back.

And thus, he was now sitting on the bed.

"Hey Crowpaw, how do you turn this flashlight on?" He asked whilst examining the flashlight.

"You turn... the on button on." Crowpaw replied as he tried to find a new layout for his profile.

"On...off...on...off...on...off..." Ravenpaw kept repeating as he repeatedly turned the flashlight on and off. It was an amazing work of art to him.

--

"Hey Graypaw, do you have any pictures I can put? I need a camera to take some." Crowpaw asked while staring at the blank list of photos for his myspace. A few seconds later, Graypaw appeared behind him.

"Crowpaw, if you wanna get that date with Gwen or Paris, you don't put pictures of a cat, you put pictures of other people. Now who do you want to be? Justin Timberlake? Vin Diesel? Or maybe, Orlando Bloom?" Graypaw asked.

"Graypaw, you spend too much time on this thing..." Crowpaw muttered and started to put pictures of himself as Orlando Bloom.


End file.
